The “Romance” of the Ugly”

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　I’m smart and lively, have an excellent figure, and my life is smooth sailing; yet my appearance remains a constant pain for me. From childhood to adulthood, teachers have always favored students who are good-looking or well-behaved and delicate. A girl like me, who is naturally rebellious and lacks beauty, naturally becomes a thorn in the teacher’s side. Although I came first in every exam, I was never named an excellent student once. Many guys treat me as a brother, but I’ve never heard of anyone writing about me in their diary and secretly liking me. 　　As a result, my personality became more unrestrained, my appearance more androgynous, and my grades improved significantly. I do as I please, ignoring those around me, which is why I’m a well-known figure wherever I go. My parents used to be proud of me, but later they shook their heads when they saw me, worried that I wouldn’t be able to get married. I too felt romantic feelings arise in me, and I took the initiative a few times; I can’t forget their astonished expressions: “Are you joking?” ”I could only nod with a bitter smile; it hurt my pride! 　　In the eighth grade, I went to a classmate’s house to play cards; her brother sat across from me, staring at me in astonishment. He said I was beautiful, his tone sincere, and I was so excited that I almost fainted. He is the only person who has ever ‘stunned’ me. Although he was very young and his sense of aesthetics was not yet fully developed at that time, I will remember him for the rest of my life. His words brought a touch of fantasy to my gloomy adolescence; perhaps in this world, there really is a prince for me, someone who sees me as the most beautiful. 　　I am a passionate person; I can write touching love poems, under the light of the full moon, yet I can never find anyone to whom to send them. I’m not a beauty, so where would a talented man come from? Actually, I have regular features; it’s just that I studied a lot, and I started wearing glasses in the second grade of elementary school. There is a Western proverb: Don’t flirt with women who wear glasses. Not to mention thick glasses for myopia? Whenever friends are fortunate enough to see my eyes without glasses, they always say, “I didn’t realize your eyes were so big!” ”I sighed inwardly; I’ve been short-sighted for so many years now, and I don’t even want to try to set things right anymore. Let the dinosaurs remain dinosaurs. Anyway, with knowledge and culture, I won’t go without food. 　　I remember in the college dance hall, the girls sat shyly in a row, while the boys scanned them one by one like bees, looking for their mates. I fear this moment the most, because the one who is left in the end must be me, even though my dance steps are extremely light and graceful. Few people can see beyond the surface to the essence. Later on, I switched to playing the male role or dancing disco vigorously; it felt great! After starting work, something that a beautiful colleague can handle with just a glance requires me to do many tasks back and forth. I may not be good-looking, but I have skills and a strong will, so I work steadily to build a good reputation. I’m not afraid of hardship or challenges; I’m only afraid of having no love. 　　Love needs a rival. I have quite a few friends of the opposite sex; we go on outings in the countryside, chat and laugh together, often in groups, and it’s never related to romance. My buddy and I discuss various topics, comment on **major issues, and even talk about women. They look at me as if I’m a homosexual; I know that if I continue like this, I’ll probably go gray early. In the best years of my life, I couldn’t be with the person I loved the most. I am glad I am not an only child; my older brothers and sisters have continued the family line, otherwise it would be a shame to our ancestors. 　　It’s a bit sad to think about; there are some girls who don’t even have half of my kindness and grace, yet they have beautiful faces, and wherever they go they are the center of attention and receive plenty of care. What about me? I was also the center of attention among my friends, drawing all the spotlight, but when it was over, no one took me home. Once, while drunk, I blurted out, “Is there anyone here who likes me?” ”The brothers all laughed heartily and said, “We all like you!” ”I roared, \"Then why isn’t anyone chasing me?\" ”The brothers were stunned; some said you were drunk, some said they had never thought about it, and some said you were too strong for them to pursue. I’m glad no one said you’re too ugly. 　　My parents thought that being single was a harm to society, so they arranged a ‘matchmaking’ session for me. It’s so tacky, but I went just to make them happy. “The format of ‘matchmaking’ is really not conducive to my best performance; it’s just a brief meeting, and there’s no time to showcase one’s inner beauty. I set out on my first ‘matchmaking’ journey with no expectations at all. The male lead is more handsome than I expected; he even resembles the currently super-popular K-drama star Bae Yong-joon. Good heavens, how could such a man be assigned to me? I have the feeling that I got on the wrong bus. My usual confidence and talkativeness in front of others were replaced by nervousness; I spilled cola on my sweater several times. 　　It no longer matters how smart I am or how humorous I am. At that moment, I kept thinking to myself: I’m a dinosaur who is loved by no one. This caused the insecurity hidden deep in my heart to gradually surface, drowning out the \"strong\" version of myself. I feel disgusting; I can’t even bear to look at him. I can’t remember what he said or what I said; instead, under his gaze, tears began to stream down my face little by little. 　　I know I must not look like someone shedding tears gently; I probably look like a stray dog. Who cares? Anyway, he’s just a passing stranger who won’t leave any mark on my life. The more I cried, the more emotional I became, so I just burst into loud tears and gave in completely. He stood by, calm and silent, and later, moved by conscience, handed me some tissues. I’ve never cried in front of others, but for the first time, I exposed my wounds in front of a stranger. 　　Before parting, I shook his hand and thanked him for taking the time out of his busy schedule to meet me, such an unremarkable person as I am. He gently patted my shoulder and said I should take care of myself. Suddenly I felt very warm; I think his future wife will be very happy. It’s a shame he isn’t a split date palm. In the cold wind, I watched him leave; perhaps one day I will thank him for accompanying me as I saw my broken self. 　　I think I won’t go to any more arranged meetings. While lost in self-pity, I received his call. He said he wanted to take me out for dinner, and I said okay, as long as we’re friends. At the dinner table, I talked about past and present events, delivering witty remarks that made him laugh non-stop. Occasionally, when I think of my behavior that day, I feel a pang of pain. Then I went to watch the movie \"Sweet and Sour\"; Zhang and Li moved me deeply. Glancing at him, I saw that he had already fallen asleep. He and I are from completely different worlds; he is rational while I am emotional, just as he is handsome while I am ugly. 　　I went out with him frequently; I told myself that he was my buddy, but actually I wanted more. Perhaps he is a dream of mine; sometimes when I wake up, I think he must be feeling lonely! He suggested going to Suzhou together; traveling is my strong point – I know everything about the local customs and culture. I immerse myself in the landscapes, fully expressing my cheerful nature. While playing \"Crazy Mouse\" at Suzhou Paradise, I screamed in fear, and he grabbed my hand and held it tightly. I felt dizzy, my body was trembling, but then I gradually relaxed, my heart filled with sweetness and peace. 　　After returning from Suzhou, we became a couple. I asked him why he liked me, but he always just smiled without answering. I was completely confused; it was as if I had suddenly become rich overnight, feeling both happy and anxious. Not understanding the situation while being deeply involved in it is dangerous. I was already used to living without love; suddenly it appeared, and I find it a bit hard to cope with. Because I’m afraid of losing; it’s infinitely more painful than never having it in the first place. 　　I started avoiding him; he was confused, but didn’t stop moving. He pursued me earnestly, treating me as a treasure; many times I got up in the middle of the night to look at myself in the mirror, feeling very confused. If I myself dislike my own face, how could anyone else love it? I began to doubt his visual thinking; I asked him, if you were among a crowd of people, could you recognize me? He said of course. I asked him again if I was ugly He said earnestly, you’re not ugly; even if you are, once you get used to it, you won’t think it’s ugly anymore. 　　I didn’t think he was complimenting me at all, but suddenly I felt very happy. He doesn’t like me because of my appearance; he must like my inner self. I really have no reason to feel inferior. Youth passes quickly, and beauty will eventually fade; what endures is a charming heart. There’s an old saying that women are beautiful because they are cute. If a man says you’re ugly and doesn’t love you, then he’s not your true soulmate ； If he is, he will surely touch your soul and treat you gently!