[Repost] When your child reaches out to you for money, never do this – it will cast a shadow over your entire life

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This post was last edited by Qing_Xue on 2017-2-7 16:27. Education should not go to extremes. Just like Taoism, balance is the best approach to education. These are two true stories. The story of five yuan was told by a girl: she lived in school during junior high and went home once a week. Mom usually gives 2 yuan as pocket money per week; that week she wanted 5 yuan, but mom refused to give it to her. She said she wouldn’t go to school. Mom said, “Whether you fall in love or not, go home now.” "Later, she kept pestering for it, and her mother, unhappily, took out 5 yuan and threw it on the table with a disdainful look. And those five dollars fell to the ground. The little girl picked up the money, trembling. It seems like things just passed that way. But she said that this incident had a profound impact on her; she always felt inferior, and at the same time, she developed a desire for money deep in her heart. The story of 50 cents was told by a man: during the summer vacation of his eighth grade year, two girls from his class came to visit him at home. They sat together and chatted; it was the first time in his life that he had interacted with a girl his own age. Later, a female classmate suggested going for a walk on the street. Having no money at all, he went to his mother in hopes that she would give him some pocket money. Mom refused to give it. He pleaded again and again, begging. In the end, his mother took out 50 cents and said, “Take this!” He bent down, picked up the 50 cents, and went out with his female classmate; he bought them each a bowl of big-bowl tea, after which they went their separate ways. The boy from back then is now in his 30s; he has graduated from university, is financially independent, and is long past the age to consider marriage. But he kept refusing to get married. He doesn’t get married nor goes home. He knew his parents were very lonely. But for now, he just wants to live like this – without getting married or going back home. He said it all stemmed from those 50 cents thrown on the ground. From these two stories, I can’t tell the true economic situation of these two families, but all I can sense is a sense of \"poverty\". This kind of poverty is not related to a family’s financial situation, but rather a spiritual form of poverty. When a child makes a reasonable request for some money, the parents’ reaction is as if to say, \"I don’t have any money at all; why do you still ask me for it?\" But for a little boy, reaching out to ask his mother for some pocket money is because this adolescent boy is polite, decent, and well-mannered; he knows that friends who come visiting should be welcomed warmly. At the moment he reached out, in his mind the image of his mother remained intact; she was still the one to whom he could reach out. The mother took out 50 cents and threw it at him, shouting at him to \"take it\"; thus, the dignity of that boy was completely destroyed. And the most humiliating part was that he couldn’t refuse; he needed those 50 cents, and two female classmates who were unaware of the situation were waiting for him outside, looking forward to a pleasant outing together. When he bent down to pick up the bill, he must have heard the sound of dignity shattering on the ground. His heart was thus torn apart. 50 cents had such a serious impact on the path of his life as an adult. From reaching out for pocket money to bending down to pick up that 50-cent coin, only a few minutes pass in objective time; but in his psychological time, it feels as long as an entire lifetime. The mother had no idea at all about everything that was going on in her son’s heart. In fact, controlling money is also a form of power held by parents; in the two stories above, the mothers used the power that money grants to humiliate their children severely. Many parents in China exert control, especially in terms of money. When they feel that their absolute authority is challenged, they use money as a weapon against their own children. Some wealthy parents, in an effort to prevent their children from developing bad habits such as having large hands and feet, hide their wealth or pretend to be poor in front of their children. This approach should be used in moderation; moderate concealment of wealth or pretense of poverty can serve as a motivation for the children to strive forward. However, if done to an extreme, it may put pressure on the children and create feelings of insecurity regarding money. One might wonder: can a child who sees their parents worried and complaining about money all day long focus on studying? Therefore, before the child reaches adulthood, parents should tell them in a firm tone, \"Mom and Dad will definitely cover the costs of your education and living expenses; you don’t need to worry.\" But when you grow up, you have to create wealth through your own efforts. "Such commitment is very important for children. Because only when a child is at peace inside can their intelligence be fully utilized. In fact, the most important reason is that raising children in poverty causes them to lose many things! 01. Raising children in poverty makes them lose generosity and proper behavior. Children raised in poverty may develop low self-esteem because they are inferior to others in certain aspects. They are both introverted and shy; they don’t even dare to interact with other children. When they grow up, they behave in a restrained manner around their peers and even feel inferior; they dare not show their strengths. Their sense of inferiority makes them feel unworthy, and only by shutting themselves in a small space can they find a little bit of relief. Simply imitating others’ approach of frugal upbringing will cause children to lose generosity and propriety. Many people say that \"the poor will stay poor while the rich will get richer.\" The reason why the poor remain poor is that their parents put them in a trap, a trap known as \"mindset.\" Our poor children will walk for 2 hours to reach their destination in order to save 2 yuan, but what do well-off children do? To cut a 2-hour journey down to 2 minutes, they are willing to spend 20 yuan on a taxi. This is the difference! Our poor children may spend their time on things that don’t help them improve themselves, just in order to save a few cents per day, while children from wealthy families have more time and opportunities to explore the world. Often, we can tell a person’s background from their clothing and behavior. Why do some children seem to have grace and good manners at first glance, while others give off an impression of rudeness? A child’s demeanor stems from within, reflecting the upbringing in their family environment. This temperament stems from the child’s self-esteem and confidence. It’s just like **a poor man living in a cage-like house who says, ‘I have to work hard every day to earn 50 Hong Kong dollars for three meals a day; we have no dignity or dreams at all.’** Children who grow up in poor conditions tend to pursue material satisfaction; they lack the energy nor the opportunities to strive for something of a higher order. Recently, an article in the American magazine Psychology Today expressed a similar view: it’s difficult for children raised in poor conditions to improve their situation! When children are under stress, they become extremely sensitive to those around them and to various situations; they also avoid participating in social activities. Such psychological stress hinders intellectual development and affects academic performance, with the most noticeable effect being a reduction in curiosity and the desire to explore the world. As China, which has only recently begun to move toward prosperity, many of us have experienced what it is like to be poor, and we have also felt the humiliation that comes with poverty. We also know how much effort we put in to overcome this sense of inferiority. These efforts may include us making money frantically, to the point of forgetting why we are doing it. Furthermore, the prevalence of money worship in society is perhaps largely due to the imbalance of wealth in our society. But another major reason is that families have taken the wrong approach to financial education, opting for what’s known as \"raising children in poverty.\" If possible, please stop pursuing this wrong practice! Many of us are already trapped by the consequences of this, so let’s not allow the next generation to suffer the same mistakes. Therefore, education should not go to extremes. Just like in Taoism, balance is the best approach to education: by ensuring children have adequate material needs, they will not become greedy; by exposing them to some hardships, they will learn humility; by teaching them music and art, they will develop an appreciation for elegance and good taste; by facing setbacks, their spirits will become stronger; and by traveling often, their horizons will broaden……