It’s better not to take kids on a trip like this!

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This post was last edited by Thank goodness you're here on 2017-5-10 15:06. These days, there is a craze for traveling. Many parents regard \"taking children on trips\" as an excellent means of education; believing that \"the best upbringing comes from traveling\", they set out to take their children on long journeys, frequently, to fancy places, and abroad as often as possible. They will go to great lengths to take their kids on trips, even when the children are very young, and they will find a way to afford it regardless of their financial situation. . . 　　Is it good to travel with children? Okay! Traveling is a way to broaden one’s horizons and bring joy to both body and mind. If one has the money and time, it is certainly worthwhile to take children on trips to different places. However, whether the best form of education lies in travel, and how to truly achieve \"education through travel,\" are questions that parents should consider carefully. 　　On the journey, without a correct view of education, without scientific methods of upbringing, without the ability to set an example, and without knowing how to let go and guide, even if one travels around the world, it is not certain that they will bring back a wonderful child. 　　01 　 I have a young female colleague named Lili; she was born in a big city, her father is a manager at one of the Fortune 500 companies, and her mother holds a mid-level position in a bank. 　　Since the age of two or three, her parents have taken her on trips everywhere; by the time she graduated from university, she had already visited more than a dozen ** countries, as well as countless tourist destinations within China. 　　?With such an upbringing, what is Lili’s level of knowledge and her manners like? 　　Her work performance is average; at times, it’s even below par. In an organization where thinking skills and writing ability are the key competencies, she fails to demonstrate the broad horizons and open-mindedness that one might expect from someone who has traveled extensively since childhood. As for us colleagues, we don’t perceive any signs of her breadth of vision or good manners. In fact, she has a competitive and showy personality, and her interpersonal relationships are not very good. 　　Once, the department organized a group trip. During the journey, we were surprised by the behavior of Lili, who had taken the most trips before; she got into a heated argument with the waiter over a trivial matter at the hotel ； 　　Exhausted from walking, she simply forced the water bottle or bag into her male colleague’s hands, asking him to \"show some manly grace\"” ； 　　Living in the same room as a female colleague, she will definitely not take the room key on her own ； 　　Ask her about local customs, traditions, and historical anecdotes – she doesn’t know anything about any of them ； 　　As for forgetting things, being slow, being late and making everyone wait for her alone – that kind of thing kept happening the whole time. 　　Everyone began to doubt: had she really been here? Who said the best upbringing is on the road? She has been traveling with her parents since she was young – what has she learned in the process? 　　In subsequent occasional conversations with her, I learned that it was all true – she had indeed traveled everywhere since she was young. The problem wasn’t that she hadn’t learned anything, but rather that her parents were never with her during those trips to teach her anything. 　　Although Lily’s parents took time to take her on many trips every year, they hardly communicated with her during those trips; instead, they mainly took her to comfortable places where she could eat, drink, and shop. What needs to be prepared before going out is taken care of by her parents; they handle everything related to her trips. There is no opportunity for communication and guidance throughout the journey, no timely reminders or corrections. Her parents lack the patience to answer the questions she raises during the trip, nor do they make the necessary \"educational preparations\" to ensure that she gains something from the journey. 　　And parents’ behavior like this has continued from when Lili was little until now. 　　02 　 If Lily’s parents think that \"travelling with children\" simply means taking them somewhere, then the person mentioned below, who believes that it comes down to the number of times and distances traveled, is even further off the mark. 　　There is a relative whose family is wealthy; her husband is busy with business, while she is a full-time housewife. They have a son who is ten years old. She is passionate about a few things: sending her children to various expensive tutoring and training classes ； Take the child on trips several times a year. 　　Her philosophy is this: I have the money and time, and my son isn’t at that stage where he needs to focus intensely on studying. After all, it’s said that one should take their children on many trips; I have the means to do that – taking him out about ten times a year will definitely be beneficial! 　　I can’t deny the \"advantages\" she mentioned; at least her son is full of confidence and goes ahead to ask everyone, \"Have you been to XXX?\" I’ve been there; it’s not as good as that XXXX place. But it’s still more fun abroad – there aren’t many places in China that I want to visit anymore…. If the person being asked replies, “I haven’t been to that place.” 　　He will definitely say: Wow, I’ve never been there either? You’ve lived all this long for nothing! 　　The person who says this doesn’t care about the other person’s age or whether they are an elder. And his mother, standing beside him, would be overjoyed, looking at her son with pride at this moment. 　　Once, that kid ran into me and bragged to me: Have you been to Sanya? 　　Unfortunately, Sanya is one of the few places I have been to. But after thinking about it, I said: No! What, do you want to introduce Sanya to me? 　　The child said, \"What’s there to introduce? I’ve been there many times already. My mom takes me on vacations every year. I don’t see anything interesting there – just the sea, fruits, and seafood.\" 　　I raised my eyebrows: Since you’ve been there many times, you must be very familiar with it; you surely know the legend of the deer turning around! 　　The child was confused for a moment, then looked away: Deer Turn Back is a park; what legend? 　　I smiled and said, “Then do you know what ethnic minorities are there in Sanya?” 　　The child pouted: I’m not talking to you; you’ve never been there anyway, so stop guessing at me! 　　His mother said to me: This child has been to so many places that he might not remember these details. Don’t put him in a difficult situation! Going out to have fun is about broadening one’s horizons; how can one remember every detail? I’ve found that taking this child out to play everywhere is really beneficial; he’s become extremely confident and more talkative. He can join in conversations about topics that adults discuss, and he knows a lot about them. 　　I nodded and smiled, not arguing with her. Although I really want to ask: where did he gain such knowledge from? The two questions I asked can be answered as long as one pays a little attention to guidance during the trip. Even if he happens to be unaware of these two details, it still shows that he lacks proper upbringing; rather, it’s because he has been to many places that he has become arrogant and disrespectful, showing no regard for elders and being impolite. 　　In fact, this child is what the relatives collectively consider to be a \"troublemaker\"; aside from those shortcomings, he is also extremely obsessed with brand names and likes to show off his wealth ； His grades are extremely poor; he lacks consistency in whatever he does, is aggressive, and has bullied the children of his relatives. As for his mother’s comments about him interrupting adults and talking at length, everyone understood even better just how much so – this child would interrupt adults at every mealtime and keep talking non-stop about his own opinions. She thinks this is called “confidence,” while others call it “lack of manners.” 　　What’s more exaggerated is that, at just over ten years old, he had traveled many times, yet not once did he pack his own belongings; he also never remembered the routes when going out. He preferred to go to bustling and fashionable cities, disliked natural scenic areas, and certainly didn’t want to visit museums or historic cities. 　　In my opinion, such trips are completely pointless. If everyday life hasn’t managed to instill in him basic manners or good habits, how can one think that \"traveling\" will change him? 　　03 It’s good to be aware of the need to travel with children, but it’s unfortunate that children aren’t able to truly benefit from these trips and gain something from them. This isn’t the child’s fault; it’s the parents’ responsibility. How exactly can we ensure that children benefit from travel, and how can we truly achieve \"education on the road\"? Parents might consider the following points before taking their children on a trip: First, involve the children in planning the itinerary and in preparing travel guides. 　　A good travel guide can make your trip much smoother, but creating one requires a high degree of organization. It involves selecting the most suitable itinerary from countless options available online and refining it further; one needs to be aware of information related to transportation, accommodation, food, must-see attractions, as well as cultural traditions and customs in the destination. In other words, developing a travel route or guide demands patience, attention to detail, an overall perspective, coordination skills, understanding, decision-making ability, and planning skills. 　　For elementary school children, adults can establish a general framework, allowing the children to help fill in some of the details. For example, they can be asked to research in advance what attractions are worth visiting at the destination, which will help them gain a deeper understanding of the local scenery, historical sites, and interesting stories. 　　For middle and high school students, it’s completely fine to let them determine the route and plan on their own, with adults reviewing and making adjustments later. Such attempts are not common in our **children’s regular school education. Perhaps the first attempt by the child isn’t perfect, but in the future the child will get better and better at it, significantly improving their ability to think critically and plan effectively. 　　?Second, let the child pack their own travel belongings. 　　Compared to the first point, this requirement is quite simple. However, the vast majority of parents do not do this;* accustomed to doing everything for their children, and worried that they might forget something and end up having a difficult time on the trip, the children are happy to just let others take care of everything. 　　In fact, having children pack their own travel belongings may seem like a trivial matter, but it actually involves a lot of wisdom. It is also very helpful for a child’s ability to plan, think comprehensively, and engage in hands-on activities. After all, different destinations have distinct climate, environmental, and dietary characteristics, which require consideration in terms of clothing, medications, and more. One also needs to take into account their own preferences and needs. Meanwhile, the space in a suitcase is limited, yet there are often many things one wants to bring, so the ability to make choices and discard unnecessary items is essential. In fact, learning how to make the most of the suitcase’s space is also a skill that deserves continuous practice. 　　?Third, set travel requirements for the child in advance. 　　Some parents believe that traveling means taking children out to have fun, and it should be done in a way that brings joy; there shouldn’t be too many demands on the children. Traveling should indeed be pleasant and relaxing, but that doesn’t mean one can act without rules or good manners. Before setting off on a trip, it’s best to make the following requests of children: First of all, travel is often a mix of pleasure and hardship; the children get tired, and so do the parents. Children should be encouraged to carry their own bags and do things on their own during trips, while also showing care for their parents. Secondly, one should strictly abide by civilized norms in public places and be a well-mannered child; of course, parents should set a good example. 　　For example: not cutting in line, not spitting in public, not making loud noises, not jaywalking, not discriminating against people of different races, and so on. Third, during the trip, don’t be selfish; don’t think that your parents are there just to take you out for fun, and that everything should go according to your wishes. It’s necessary to take into account everyone’s opinions and needs. 　　? Fourth, try to have the child take on certain tasks during the trip. 　　There are many details and tasks during a trip, such as ordering food, buying tickets, asking for directions, communicating with various people, keeping track of expenses, and so on. Any of these tasks can be given to the child to try and complete. For example, when it comes to keeping track of expenses, perhaps your family isn’t short of money and can spend freely during trips, but you can still have the child take on the task of keeping track of expenses, so that they learn there are many ways to do this. 　　For example: keep accounts by date, or keep accounts by category of expenses, to help him develop a concrete understanding of money, and so on. For example, asking for directions can help children develop skills such as interacting with strangers, being polite, having comprehension abilities, a sense of direction, and courage. 　　?Fifth, let the child try to handle unexpected situations during the trip on their own first. 　　Although a travel itinerary has been prepared, the biggest possibility during a trip is that there will be too many unknowns. For example, when you go to a tourist attraction following the plan outlined in the original guide, and upon arriving find that it is under renovation and therefore not accessible, you have to find another attraction as a substitute on the spot. This task can be assigned to a child, who can use the Internet, ask others for help, consult maps, and other methods to quickly find a destination whose location, route, distance, and other aspects are all suitable. 　　Of course, such situations are not too sudden; there are also some sudden incidents that are more serious but relatively common, such as theft and getting lost. In the event of theft, children can be involved in coming up with solutions; they can call the police and describe the location and what happened. If they get lost, parents might as well pretend to be a bit confused, allowing the child to use a phone navigation app or map to try and lead everyone back on the right path. Of course, there are many unexpected situations; as long as they are not too urgent or dangerous, one can try to have the child come up with a solution first, or involve them in finding a solution. 　　? Sixth, have the child keep a travel diary or write down their thoughts and experiences after returning home. 　　A cursory trip often really means “I was here, I left, I forgot,” and in the end only the place names remain in mind. If a child is asked to keep a travel diary or write about their adventures, they will surely pay close attention to and experience everything that happens during the trip. For younger children, one can talk to them about what they saw and did that day before going to bed, helping them to summarize their day’s experiences. Alternatively, after returning home, the child can write a cute illustrated diary; it’s fine to use pinyin for any words they don’t know how to write ； For children in junior high school and above, they can be asked to complete a full travel report upon returning home; this will greatly enhance their skills in summarization, writing, and expression, as well as help them develop the habit of reflecting on their experiences. 　　Of course, as long as the child puts effort into this task, parents should offer timely encouragement and praise regardless of the outcome; material rewards may also be given. If possible, one can also guide and revise the child’s travel notes or diaries either by oneself or with the help of a teacher. 　　By achieving the above points, or one or two of them, one can roughly say that the process of upbringing is in progress. But if one cannot do even that and doesn’t take it seriously, at best it is just a “heap of journeys” or a “heap of talking points”. 　　Don’t say that the requirements of traveling place a heavy burden on children; the true rewards and joys of a journey certainly do not arise from having someone to help with everything and being able to do as one pleases. Rules and discipline need to be upheld everywhere, and travel is no exception. And these requirements place more of a test on parents rather than children. 　　It’s not embarrassing at all, nor is there any need to feel guilty, if you really can’t travel with your child. Be a good parent – teach your child how to behave, how to handle tasks, and how to learn through the details of daily life, so that they develop good manners and a positive attitude; provide them with plenty of reading material, and they will be grateful to you when they grow up.