Don’t say “count to 3” to children! It misleads them!

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　　Don’t say “count to 3” to children! It misleads them! Source: Qingda University* Bar. Sometimes parents are not angry because their children don’t obey, but because their words have lost their authority. 　　As the child grows older, they develop their own opinions. If you tell him to move, he refuses to move; if you tell him not to move, he insists on moving. What’s most infuriating is that when a child makes a mistake and you ask them to correct it, they simply refuse to do so. So, you invented the \"count to 3\" method to force the child to obey. 　　For a child to yield out of fear is by no means the essence of education. 　　01 I’ve heard many parents ask, “What would you do if your child didn’t carry out a task right away after you told them to do it?” There are many responses, but the three that stand out the most are: 1. Count down to the child, “1, 2, 3…” 2. Stop arguing with the child and do the task yourself. 3. Force the child to follow your instructions immediately and make them bear the consequences of not doing so. I used to be indifferent to this topic. Because many years ago, I was also a child; I would simply observe how my parents taught me and look for flaws in their teaching methods in order to benefit from them, and my parents usually used the first two methods with me. 　　Now, only when I encounter a situation where my child doesn’t respond immediately to what I say do I realize what approach should be taken to solve this problem. 　　02 It was a sunny weekend, and my wife and I took our son to the countryside to hike in the mountains. Since I’m quite busy most of the time and often on business trips, it’s my wife who takes care of our son for the most part. I want to spend more time with him this weekend. 　　At noon, after reaching the summit, we found a grassy area and sat down to rest and have a picnic. Halfway through the picnic, the plastic bag in the son’s hands was blown away by the wind to a distance of about ten meters. 　　Seeing this, his wife said to him, “Honey, we can’t damage the environment; go and pick up the bag right away.” ”The son sat on the ground, pouting his lips, and hesitated without moving. 　　The wife pointed at her son and said in an authoritative tone, “I’ll count to 3; go and get it back for me quickly!” “1…” “2…” “3…” The son remained unresponsive. 　　The wife stood up, with an angry expression on her face, and pointed toward the bag in the distance. Only then did the son slowly get up, walk over with a grunt, and pick up the bag. I said nothing; I just stood there quietly, watching them mother and child. 　　When going down the mountain, I put the backpack that I had been carrying for my son on his shoulders and led him by hand as we walked down. 　　At the beginning, our son could barely keep up with us. About half an hour later, my son’s pace slowed down significantly; eventually he stopped in his tracks, took off his backpack and threw it on the ground, then reached out for us to pick him up. 　　Actually, the mountain isn’t very high, so the child can handle it easily. I held back my wife, who wanted to go hug him, and said to my son, “Pick up your backpack and hold on a little longer; otherwise we might get left behind.” ” 　　My son completely ignored what I said; he simply sat down on the ground, with an expression on his face that seemed to say, “I won’t move unless you pick me up.” 　　I ignored him again and took my wife away down the hill. Seeing that we really had no intention of waiting for him, his son came running after us in a cryful manner after a short while. 　　That night, after my wife put our son to bed, she asked me angrily, \"The child is still young; how can you punish him like this? What if he gets tired or gets scared in the mountains?\" I replied that the reason why our son ignores us is that you always like to count things with him; it seems like you gain time to think of ways to deal with the situation, but what’s worse is that it gives the child the opportunity to think about how to deal with you. 　　In the future, he will often have more opportunities to make excuses for his mistakes; he will become hesitant in taking action, and a indecisive personality will gradually develop. 　　The biggest consequence of doing this is that it will make it extremely difficult for him to achieve success as an adult—in any area (yes, it’s that serious). 　　Why shouldn’t you definitely \"count to 3\" when a child makes a mistake? ➣ Counting to 3 implies that there is room for negotiation when it comes to correcting the mistake; ➣ Counting to 3 means that parents do not respond or correct the behavior immediately, which can even lead to the child rolling their eyes at their parents or talking back to them in a more aggressive manner. Using force until the child is afraid is the most ineffective approach. Because any relationship established with a child must be based on trust and a sense of well-being, and never on \"fear of you\". 　　In fact, the solution to dealing with children’s mistakes is very simple: use positive reinforcement and encouragement to comfort them gently, help them build their own confidence, and foster the habit of acting immediately. 　　It is important that you identify what drives them before then, as this will help you achieve more with less effort. 　　If this doesn’t work, you should take the following reinforcing measures: ❶ Don’t expect that guy to figure it out on his own; children of that age simply cannot have such awareness. To put it plainly, it’s in their nature. Therefore, you should first reject the useless practice of counting “one, two, three” again. 　　❷ When a child behaves in this way, you should respond immediately and correct the behavior; you need to be firm, and under no circumstances should you soften your stance, as that would only harm them. 　　❸ After making the correction, turn the phrase “I told you so” into something you say regularly; this way, the child will listen carefully to your advice whenever you give them warnings in the future. (Developing this habit takes time, but consistency will definitely yield results.) 　　❹ When your child faces difficulties, you immediately make decisions with him and take effective action, which will gradually make him respect you and take you as a role model. 　　Furthermore, when a child performs well, parents should also praise them without hesitation; this is just as important as correcting their mistakes. Because if we fail to recognize the good things, we will forever destroy those wonderful actions.