Essential for 2019: Unveiling the unspoken rules of social interaction for adults (Author: Zhang Zixi)

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Introduction: As you grow up and reach adulthood, faced with the unspoken rules of society, are you ready? A few days ago, A Man quit his job in a fit of anger. I was particularly surprised and asked him, “Why did you quit? Weren’t you saying the job that a friend introduced to you was really good?” ” A Man joked with himself, \"I’m also puzzled – why would a classmate recommend such a good job opportunity to me? I thought it was because of a good relationship between us, but it turned out to be a trick all along.\" ” It turned out that the classmate had “kindly” recommended this job because it was extremely problematic; he himself had sought out A Man to fill in that role so as to leave the job as quickly as possible. The social circles of adults are more complex and less simple. The more I grow, the more I realize that reliable people remain consistent, while unreliable ones keep letting things go wrong; by staying away from unreliable people, one can avoid encountering many problems. To determine whether a person is reliable or not, one has to look at their behavior in critical moments. The pitfalls encountered in 2018 – may you not face them again in 2019. It’s better to know these unspoken rules of adult social interaction as early as possible: 1 People often say, “One more person means one more way.” ”I always thought that by getting to know more people, the path ahead would be much easier. But the reality is that when one is popular, many praise them; yet when they fall, everyone turns against them. When things are going well, the more people one knows, the smoother the path ahead will be; whereas in difficult times, the more cold faces one encounters, the more one comes to understand the pain behind the phrase \"the fickleness of the world and the coldness of human relations.\" Elder Chen once shared an experience of his: when he was a senior executive in a company, many people would invite him to dinner for various reasons, and he would receive all kinds of gifts during holidays. Later, because of disagreements with his boss over a project, the company hired a new executive to take his place, making him second in command. Gradually, his office became extremely quiet; the project encountered difficulties, and even his once loyal subordinates were unwilling to put in any more effort. Later on, even the finance department started to make things difficult for him, using various excuses to delay the funding for his projects… “Uncle Chen, you have such extensive connections – surely there’s someone who can help you out of this predicament.” ”I asked. Uncle Chen said with an expression implying that you were still too young, \"People always seek what’s beneficial and avoid what’s harmful. When things are going well, there are plenty of acquaintances around, but when things go bad, it’s all strangers around.” During that time, I tried hard to get in touch with my former partners, but given my position in the company, no one was willing to work with me. ”Falling leaves signal the arrival of autumn; hardships reveal true friends. The unspoken rules of social interaction among adults are as follows: those you don’t know are not considered part of your network; actions that add something extra are often just for show, while those that help out in difficult times truly reflect sincerity. The smiles of thousands in times of prosperity are not as valuable as a helping hand offered in times of hardship; yet most of the time, it’s difficult to find such kind people, and we never get to meet someone who can rescue us from our troubles. It’s easy to add more icing on the cake in good times, but how difficult is it to provide help when things are tough? At no time should you place the hope of rising from adversity on others. Only when you have sufficient strength can you be your own benefactor and help yourself through difficult times. 2 Some say, “There are three kinds of friends: those for a lifetime, those for a drink, and those for a blanket.” ” Which type of friends do you have the most around you? Friendship among adults is not simply about eating and playing together; what’s more important is having a connection at the heart level. As for whether there can be a genuine bond between people, it depends on their attitude toward money. One reader shared a small incident: A few days ago, he faced difficulties and needed money to get by, so he asked for help from the group. The friends with whom he got along well usually refused to help him, acting like cowards. At that moment, I realized that if you treat others as friends, they will treat you as just another stranger. Perhaps you have had similar experiences too: replies come fastest in group chats when sending red envelopes, but the chats become utterly silent when problems arise ； Friends arrive first when inviting them to dinner, and they happen to be the busiest when you need their help ； Friends agree most readily when there’s good news, but they become most hesitant when it comes to lending money. When you’re young, you think that making friends requires enthusiasm; talking about money can damage relationships. Over time, you realize that sincerity is valuable, and not everyone deserves your dedication. Meeting the wrong people can break your heart and complicate your life. The unspoken rules of friendship among adults are: those who aren’t in your contact list aren’t considered friends; only those with whom you can discuss money properly and exchange feelings truly count as friends. To see if a friend is worth cultivating deeply, you’ll know just by going through a time of financial difficulty. When he is short of money, it depends on his attitude and speed in repaying it ； When you’re short of money, look at his attitude and speed in making transfers. A true friendship does not involve avoiding discussions about money out of concern for face, nor does it mean becoming enemies and stopping all contact when problems arise; rather, it involves having the right sense of proportion to discuss money openly while also having honest conversations. I particularly like this sentence: \"You don’t need many friends; three are enough – one who is willing to lend me an umbrella on a rainy day, one who is willing to drink with me late at night, and one who is willing to attend my funeral.\" ” In life, without sincerity, having hundreds of friends is of no use. One heart full of sincerity; three are enough to soothe the troubles of life. Eileen Chang once said, “Emotions are actually so fragile.” It can withstand storms, but not the ordinary days… I once thought that relationships were tempered through trivial matters, but the reality is even more tragic: many relationships never get to experience ordinary times at all; a single storm is enough to tear them apart. The friend had planned to marry her boyfriend of 6 years on New Year’s Day, but the two suddenly broke up recently. The reason is simple and harsh: her friend’s mother was diagnosed with cancer, and for her family, whose financial situation is modest, such a serious illness can easily crush the entire family. At first, her boyfriend would often go to the hospital to be with her, but gradually he went fewer and fewer times, and eventually the two of them parted ways without saying anything. The unspoken rule of love for adults is this: not all romantic companionship counts as love; only those who are willing to stay with you in the hospital when you’re sick do. Hospitals are mirrors that reveal true feelings; a serious illness makes it crystal clear just how much someone loves you. When those around her found out, they all criticized her boyfriend for being cold-hearted, but she said calmly, \"I don’t blame him; I understand him too.\" There are no filial children by the sickbed after a long illness, let alone strangers with no blood relation It’s not that he’s heartless; he has a family behind him! In this world, who has an easy life? Yes, who has an easy life in the world of adults? Who doesn’t keep moving forward while crumbling inside? If possible, who wouldn’t want to live more easily? In theory, ideal love means standing by each other through thick and thin, but in reality, surviving is more important than love. “We cannot see all the snow that falls in a person’s lifetime. Everyone spends the winter alone in their own life. ” Life is like a journey; some people can accompany you through spring, summer, and autumn. Many times, we must spend the winter alone. 4. Su Qin has a very classic saying: The best way to love someone is to take care of oneself and become a worthy partner for that person. Just because you try your best to be kind to someone doesn’t mean that person will do the same for you. Worldly emotions inevitably have a practical side: only if you are valuable will your efforts be valued. Previously, I really liked the previous sentence – I wanted to strive hard to become a better version of myself so as to be worthy of someone better. After going through so much, I prefer the second sentence: You have value, and only then will your efforts be recognized. The cruelest unspoken rule for adults is that one’s greatest benefactor is always oneself. For a person, the most reliable backup is oneself. We strive to become better, not to meet someone or to fit someone else’s standards, but so that we won’t be overwhelmed by the storms of life or pierced by reality… May you, on days when no one offers you an umbrella in the rain, strive to live as a tree ； May you, when no one extends a hand in times of adversity, forge through transformation and grow wings ； May you, without the company of natural or man-made disasters, live strong like an army, fighting against everything.