A job application letter from a female college student

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This is a job application commitment written by a female college student! 1. Are you in a relationship? 　　I have low EQ and don’t feel anything for boys. So, I promise not to fall in love within five years ； If I happen to fall in love in five years, I promise not to get married for those five years ； If I have to get married in five years, I promise not to have children for those five years ； If, five years from now, I somehow end up having to give birth… that would be after the age of 45, right? You can consider firing me then. 　　II. Can I drink alcohol? 　　I haven’t drunk alcohol in 25 years, but if work requires it, I will ； It’s not for work requirements, but the manager asked me to do it; I had to drink ； The customer requested it; they want to drink it ； I can handle alcohol well; I’ll drink ； I can’t handle alcohol well, but I still have to drink even if it means developing the ability to do so ； I really can’t drink any more; I’ll take an antidote and then drink ； Even if I get completely drunk, lose consciousness, talk nonsense, and suffer from vomiting and diarrhea, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to drink. Please, boss, just pour the alcohol down my throat – as long as it gets in there, that’s fine. There’s only one request: after everything is over, please help take me to the hospital. 　　III. What position are you hoping for? 　　I majored in Human Resource Management and hold a Bachelor’s degree in Management. I have passed CET-6, and I prefer to work in management positions ； I can’t hold a management position; being a clerk who types and handles mail is fine too ； Can’t work as a clerk; mopping the floor, bringing water, wiping tables in the office... doing odd jobs is fine too ； Doing odd jobs won’t work; going to the workshop or the team will do. 　 IV. What salary do you expect? 　　500,000? I can’t even think about it ； 200,000? Delusional talk ； One hundred thousand? It’s absolutely impossible ； Sixty thousand? Very, very satisfied ； 40,000? Very satisfied ； Twenty thousand? Satisfied ； Ten thousand? I know it’s not the monthly salary, but the annual salary; I’m also… satisfied. If the company is still in trouble, writing an IOU will also work. 　　V. Can I go on business trips? 　　In the short term, it’s possible ； In the long term, that’s also fine. Short distances, it’s fine ； Long distances are also okay. Going on a business trip with a female boss is okay ； It’s okay to go on a business trip alone with a male boss. There is a business trip allowance for train tickets, hotel stays, and meals – ideally ； No business trip allowance, riding donkey carts, staying in bathhouses, eating instant noodles – it doesn’t matter. 　　VI. Is there anything else you would like to say? 　　It’s been over two years since I graduated from college; I’ve attended dozens of job fairs and submitted hundreds of resumes, but all to no avail. Some say that give me a fulcrum and I can lift the Earth. But what I want to say today is, with such a huge Earth, can’t you give me a fulcrum? I just need a job! Give me a job so I can support myself!