CNPC Professional English Textbook (Word document) 2010

Someone has already posted this! 1. English is a Crazy Language. English is indeed a strange language. 1. Let’s face it—English is a crazy language. There’s no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; there’s no apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England, nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet at all, are considered meat. 1. Let’s accept reality—that English is a crazy language. Eggplant (eggplant, literally meaning \"egg plant\") does not contain eggs, and hamburgers (hamburger, literally meaning \"ham sandwich\") do not contain ham. Similarly, pineapple (which literally means pine tree apple) contains neither pine trees nor apples. English muffins were not invented by the British, nor were French fries invented by the French. ““Sweetmeat” refers to preserved fruits, while “sweetbread” is not sweet; it denotes beef offal. 2. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, bo*ng rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? If you have one goose, two geese, why not one moose, two meese, or one index, two indices? 2. We accept everything about English as something obvious, but if we analyze the seemingly illogical aspects of it, we quickly realize that “quicksand” often moves very slowly; “boxing rings” are square in shape; and a “guinea pig” is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Also, since the noun \"writer\" can become the verb \"write\" by removing the ending \"rs\", why can’t the nouns \"fingers\", \"grocers\", and \"hammers\" become their corresponding verbs by removing the \"rs\"? If the plural of tooth is teeth, then why isn’t the plural of kiosk beeth? We use \"goose\" for one goose, and \"geese\" for two geese. So, for one moose, it’s \"moose\" (the form remains the same whether it’s singular or plural), and then two mooses should be \"meese\"? Why is one index called “index”, while two indexes are called “indices”? 3. Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends for multiple things but not for just one, or that you can go through the annals of history but not study a single one of them? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? 3. Isn’t it absurd that you can compensate for multiple items but not for just one? You can sort through the chronicles of history, but why can’t you restore a single one of those chronicles? If you have a bunch of problems, then what should you say when you’ve solved all the others and only one is left? 4. If teachers teach, why don’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 4. If teachers’ action is called ‘teach’, then why isn’t preachers’ action called ‘praught’? If vegetarians eat vegetables, then what do humanitarians eat? 5. Sometimes I think all English speakers should be sent to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite in a play and perform in a recital; ship goods by truck and send them by ship; have noses that run and feet that smell; park in driveways and drive on parkways? 5. Sometimes I think, given the crazy way Brits speak, they should be sent to a psychiatric hospital. Which language can people recite in a play, and use in recitation (referring respectively to acting and giving a solo concert)? Transport ships by truck, and transport goods by ship (transporting only by truck or only by ship respectively)? Can the nose run while the feet can smell (referring to a runny nose and smelly feet respectively)? The car can be parked on the driveway, and driving is also possible on the driveway (driveway literally means a road for driving, while Parkway literally means a road for parking). 6. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites, and quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? 6. Why does a ‘slim chance’ (meaning no chance at all) and a ‘fat chance’ (also meaning no chance at all) have the same meaning, while a ‘wise man’ (a truly intelligent person) and a ‘wise guy’ (a person who thinks he’s smart) have opposite meanings? Why do \"quite a lot\" and \"quite a few\" mean the same thing? (In fact, both \"quite a lot\" and \"quite a few\" mean quite a lot.) ) Why can the weather be as hot as hell and also as cold as hell? (as hell literally means like hell, indicating something extremely extreme) 7. You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. 7. You have to be amazed by this psychotic-like language, in which a house is both burned down and burned up at the same time. You use the method of filling out to fill in a form. The alarm went off while it was still going on. 8. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? 8. English is a language created by humans rather than machines, and it reflects human creativity. This is also why we can see stars when they appear, but not when the sunlight is out. Similarly, after I “fixed” my watch, it started working again ； And after I “processed” this article, it was over. 2. All I Learned in Kindergarten – What I learned in kindergarten... 1. Most of what I really need to know about how to live, what to do, and how to behave, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom wasn’t found at the summit of academic achievement; it was there, in the sandpit of kindergarten. 1. Most of what’s truly necessary in life, including how to live, what to do, and how to carry out those actions, was learned by me in kindergarten. Wisdom lies not on the peaks of graduate schools, but in the sandpits of kindergartens. 2. These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put tiles back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some, think some, draw and paint, sing and dance, play, and work a little every day. 2. These are the things I learned in kindergarten. Share everything ； Act with integrity and honesty ； Do not attack others ； Things need to be put back in their original places ； Clean up the mess you made yourself ； Do not take things that do not belong to you ； If you hurt someone, you have to apologize ； Wash hands before meals ； Hot desserts and cold milk are good for the body ； Life should have a balance of relaxation and activity: learn something, think about things, write and draw, sing and dance; both rest and work – one should do a bit of each every day. 3. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. 3. Take a short nap every afternoon. When going out, be careful about traffic safety; remember to hold hands and support each other. Pay more attention to the miracles of life. You must still remember that tiny seed in the plastic cup; it kept growing roots downward, while its branches and leaves stretched upward. No one really knows how it grows, nor why. But one thing is clear: we grow up just like them. 4. Goldfish, hamsters, white mice, and even the tiny seed in the plastic cup – they all die. We do too. 4. Looking at goldfish, hamsters, and white mice, as well as the small seed in a flower pot, we see that in the end their lives come to an end. We understand that we too cannot avoid it. 5. And then remember the book about Dick and Jane1 and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: Look. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and polities and sane living. 5. We also remember the book “Dick and Jenny,” as well as the first word we learned from it, the most remarkable word of all: Observe. Anything you need to know – including principles of being a human being, love, basic hygiene practices, the environmental ecosystem, **philosophy, and a healthy lifestyle – you can find answers to in some part of that book. 6. Think about what a better world it would be if we all – everyone in the world – could have cookies and milk around 3 p.m. every afternoon, and then lie down under our blankets to take a nap. Or if our countries had a basic policy of always putting things back where we find them and cleaning up after ourselves. And it remains true, no matter how old you are: when you go out into the world, it’s better to hold hands and stay together. 6. Think about it – if we all, everyone in the world, could enjoy sweets and milk around 3 p.m. every day, and then sleep peacefully under our blankets for a while ； If everyone could follow a basic principle for building a nation—that is, to put things back in their proper places and clean up after themselves—what a wonderful world it would be. No matter how old you are, when you go out and enter society, it’s best to hold hands with others, support one another, and stay united; in any case, this is an unshakable truth.

Is it a textbook for intermediate professional English or advanced professional English?

It looks so difficult; I really don’t know how to learn it. I’m so worried. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . :'(

It is indeed good material. I’ve learned it.* Professional English is very important. Keep working hard.