How to bring peace back to the mind

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How to restore inner peace: Three principles for overcoming grief. When you lose a loved one, the first principle to follow should be: “Express the sadness in your heart honestly.” “Never feel ashamed of your intense emotions, and don’t be afraid that excessive mental stress might lead to physical and mental collapse. The pain you are feeling now is precisely the necessary path for you to recover healthily in the future. For those who have lost a loved one, the role of friends at such times is to resonate with their grief rather than trying to distract them. This is what friends should do during the period of healing – seeking opportunities to talk with them about the deceased, recalling the virtues and qualities of the person who has passed away, thereby helping to bring up their grief. The second principle that those in grief should follow is: “We must free ourselves from memories and fantasies about the deceased.” For example, there are couples who work together, get along well, strive together, and share each other’s successes and failures; they all hope that this pattern of marriage will continue forever. If one of them unfortunately passes away, a painful void and an irreparable gap appear in this happy marriage. Death is a sudden event, but it takes a very long time for those who remain to overcome the profound pain of their memories and begin a new life. They spend their days dreaming that their loved one will reappear before them, even though such a thought is completely impossible to make come true. If the pain of losing a loved one and the feeling of loneliness can be bravely endured, then he or she will be able to grit their teeth and overcome the sadness, rather than trying to avoid or suppress it; in that case, his or her mental state will quickly return to balance, and life will soon return to normal. One’s own language is also a form of magic; it is an innate ability that, when combined with medicine, can heal those whose hearts bear too much burden. Talk to someone else! Talk about the importance of your deceased spouse to you; in this way, you will gradually be able to bear the pain of widowhood. From a deeper perspective, we always live within various types of interpersonal relationships. When we are with happy people, we too feel happy ； Living with wise people, we too become wise and willing to think ； Being with a famous painter, we too can experience the nobility and beauty of art. Each of us is a vast mine, filled with abundant minerals waiting to be extracted by miners. Each of us possesses different potentials, waiting for our friends, colleagues, and loved ones to help bring them to light, turning our passions, wisdom, and talents into tangible strength. However, during those painful years of losing loved ones, many people make the mistake of closing the doors to this resource tightly on themselves and keeping friends out. They could not have imagined that it would be these new friends and colleagues who would be able to extract valuable minerals from this deposit. If you remain gloomy all day long, trapped in sorrow and unable to extricate yourself, this mine will gradually be abandoned, until in the end only ruined spider webs remain hanging from the unmined shafts. Those who have left us can no longer play any beautiful melodies on the piano of life; therefore, organizations should not lock up its keys and allow the piano to gather dust in some corner of life. We should look for those passionate artists, new friends, who might help us embark on a new path in life. On this path, they will walk alongside us, side by side and hand in hand. We need to first try to communicate with others in words, and gradually look for opportunities to show our true nature, so as to establish new ways of interacting with others and start a new life. This is what we call the second principle; by following this principle, we can not only heal the wounds of the living but also comfort the souls of the deceased in heaven. We can also express the third principle in this way: “If Death cuts through one of our very important bonds, then it is essential that we find another person to help repair that bond, either in whole or in part.” ”If a person who has lost a loved one deeply desires to return to a life environment that is the same as or similar to the one they had in the past, they must restore this bond to some extent. For example, a mother who has lost her child will experience the greatest sorrow and pain in this world. Because both she and her child rely on this bond and have not yet become independent individuals. In this way, if the child passes away, the mother feels as though she has lost a part of her own body, like losing an eye or a leg. After this tragedy, this bond of love between her and her son had to be reestablished in some way. How can this relationship be repaired? We should encourage this mother to work in a daycare center; the head nurse and psychologists should guide her to transfer the behavioral patterns she developed in her mother-child relationship to working with a group of children. I don’t think it’s a wise choice for a Chinese mother to quickly adopt a child in order to fill the emotional void caused by losing her son. Transferring love quickly to a stranger, she subconsciously feels that this is a form of disloyalty toward the deceased child; this adopted child may become a victim of the mother’s strong subconscious hostility. If this mother were to work at a daycare center for a while, taking care of those orphaned children, it might help to dilute her subconscious hostility on a larger scale; that would be a wiser approach. Once the deep psychological trauma has gradually healed, she will be able to adopt another child or have another child of her own, so that she can offer that mature and selfless love to the new child. What we are discussing here is just a typical example that illustrates the approach we should take when losing a loved one. It is a process of repair following a disruption in established relationships, as well as a process of seeking new patterns of living that can be brought closer to those that were destroyed by death. We must have the courage to face this tragedy head-on, without hoping that the psychological trauma that has been caused will heal miraculously. If the deceased have spirits in heaven, they would not want to see us living in emptiness, sorrow, self-abandonment, or self-pity. If we can face reality decisively and fearlessly, we can achieve everything that our deceased loved ones hoped for. “When the second-largest temple in Jerusalem was destroyed, many Jews grew tired of life. They remained in a depressed state all day long, devastated by the loss of their dead son and daughter as well as the temple that had been reduced to ashes; they would neither eat nor drink. ”Joseph told them, “Children, I understand that you must grieve, but please do not grieve excessively.” ”Why? For the great Jewish sages said that one should not always dwell on the past, but rather focus on the future. As long as we are alive, we should heed the call of ** and strive for a happy life. Today, we must keep these wise teachings in mind. If a person we love deeply leaves us, we should remember that we cared for and served them throughout many years when they were ill, and we should have no guilt about that. We should go look for those who need our care and attention; they too need our love. This dedication of love is a remedy that helps heal our wounds, enabling us to emerge from emotional lows. If a son, brother, or husband loses his life while striving for freedom, we should turn our grief into strength and devote ourselves actively to new work in order to complete the tasks they left unfinished. We should take up the banner from their hands, serve as their messengers and spokespeople, and carry forward the cause for which they fought their entire lives. They lived, strived, laughed, and gave. Although they will not be with us in the days to come, we must carry on with renewed effort to fulfill their wishes. Up to this point, we have seen that when an individual suffers the loss of a loved one, it is important to allow them to express their grief rather than suppressing it, as this will help them adapt to life better in the days to come. Secondly, ask family and friends to help him find examples of lifestyles similar to those of the past, and to help him develop new interests that can fill the void left by the deceased in his heart. Of course, such a process cannot be completed effortlessly and naturally; those who are grieving will inevitably go through periods of loneliness and emptiness. During these days, he would be utterly desperate and have no interest in anything in the world. Even in cases of mild sadness, people do not quickly emerge from that shadow and reignite their passion for life.