It turns out I really care about you

Thread Content

　　I haven’t heard from you in a long time. Are you doing well? On this quiet night, do you miss me just as much as I miss you? Night solidifies in the air, thoughts wander through the darkness, and the restless clock swings monotonously; endless solitude and sorrow spread over my heart like a cold moon. Gazing at your profile picture, which remains black on the computer screen, my thoughts wander through the years as the ticking of the wall clock moves time forward. 　　In the vast ocean of the internet, we met by chance. Your honesty, your humor, your wisdom, and your pure, pleasant voice nourish my parched heart like a gentle rain, awakening my slumbering **. The feeling of regret for meeting too late, the sense of familiarity that arises at first sight, and the opportunity to share thoughts after such a long time all help to shorten the distances of time and space infinitely. We had such a great time talking, and we understood each other so well. The cool words now turn into joyful notes, dancing amidst the rapid tapping on the keyboard, conveying our mutual pleasure and happiness. 　　We meet on quiet nights online, free from the hustle of the day and the pretenses of caution; we care for one another and trust one another. Every heartfelt expression of affection, every act of compassionate care, dissipates all the displeasure and trivial worries in my heart. I remember you saying that there was someone who loved you very much, but didn’t know what they were waiting for. You still say I’m a kind person, and that finding someone like me would be the happiness of your life. 　　On an evening after rain, raindrops fall from the eaves onto the waterlogged ground, creating splashes of water that vanish instantly without a trace. There is no brilliant rainbow to be seen; only dusk lingers among the street lamps, its golden light tainted by the dust of the city. Many times you have asked me, “Do you miss me?” ”I simply replied, “I do.” My brief hesitation always triggers endless longing in you. You say, “Take care of yourself, don’t work too hard!” ”. You say, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine!” ”. You say, “Life can be chosen again!” ”. You say, “If I can, I’m willing to take on everything for you!” “To free you from further fatigue”… Looking at your sincere words, I am speechless. Too much grievance, too much bitterness, too much helplessness – all turned into tears that poured from me in an unstoppable stream, streaming down my face. At this moment, how I wish I could lean on your broad shoulders, how I wish I could be held in your warm embrace, how I wish I could walk into the hall of happiness holding your hand... But I can’t, I really can’t... Although you said that on the path of love one doesn’t know what one is waiting for, I can sense your anticipation. Your profile picture keeps flashing: “Are you there?” “Why aren’t you talking?” At that moment, my mind went blank; I kept saying “I love you” to the computer! But I don’t have the courage, I don’t have the courage to type those three words on the keyboard. Against my will, I reject you, turning you into desolation… A sleepless night, a night without words. Sitting in front of the computer, without your familiar profile picture, without your enthusiastic messages, without your eager care. The ticking of that wall clock mercilessly tore apart the cold night. Pain strikes in an instant******, thoughts scatter instantly, and tears flow instantly. 　　I am calling to you deep in my heart; are you there? How are you? A cold sense of loss overwhelmed my heart, and an unprecedented concern torn at my pain. 　　When waiting becomes painful, when love is nothing but a memory, and you disappear into the crowd with a heart filled with disappointment, I suddenly realize that without you, I am so lonely, so lost. It turns out I really care about you.