Reuniting after a long separation

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This post was last edited by Thank goodness you're here on 2015-6-15 22:03. As far as I can recall, at my age one should be quite mature by now – should be working on plans in a studio, or researching something in a laboratory, or negotiating business deals in a suit. But I’m not any of these at the moment. 　　I went back home for a while! 　　““Yuan Ya has lost weight,” but whether she really has or not, parents can tell best – more accurately than a digital scale. I rushed home as well; I wore a white T-shirt that I bought a few years ago along with a pair of sneakers. Perhaps due to the long journey, they looked a bit dusty and worn out. This is terrible – my mom forced me to go out on the street to buy this and that. I can understand her concern; she must think I’m suffering outside. To be honest, I’m not particular about such things; I also believe in the principle that frugality helps cultivate virtue. So as long as my clothes are wearable and clean, that’s enough for me. Even during holidays, I don’t go out of my way to buy new clothes. The bedsheet I use has been the same one I’ve had since I started living on campus – it’s been almost nine years now. Now I roughly understand it: if I go home for the New Year, I’ll at least buy myself a few decent sets of clothes. First, it helps to reduce my parents’ feelings of pity; second, at this age, it’s time to take care of one’s appearance a bit, after all, the exterior also needs to complement the interior to some extent. 　　Besides, I probably haven’t lost much weight either; I’ve always maintained a weight of around 110 pounds since high school. Now that I have the means, I cook for myself and can decide how much to spend on food, so I don’t end up harming myself. Although I usually eat green vegetables, it’s not that I don’t like meat either. It’s probably just a habit – when I was young, it was rare to have something delicious to eat, so ordinary home-cooked meals were sufficient for me. 　　Considering one’s self-perception as well, whether male or female, it is necessary to maintain a good physique using the right methods. Therefore, in addition to avoiding overeating, people also try to walk or jog in open areas; it is said that the benefits of walking are even greater than those of intense running. It can’t really be called a form of health maintenance, and many current methods for maintaining health still need to be verified; at the very least, basic practices such as controlling diet and going for walks are advisable. 　　It’s far from home, so it’s a rare opportunity to go back; actually, it’s not that difficult either – it just takes one night. So, during this holiday, my schedule was packed; I carefully counted every moment of my time off, and I felt I hadn’t left anything unsolved. The only regret was that I forced Dad to go to a restaurant with me and my brother to have a drink together. I’ve thought about that scene countless times in my mind. The only downsides were that the restaurant was too small, the wine was of poor quality, the food was average, and there weren’t many decent servers. I wanted to give you the best, but how many people really understand things like “You eat it; I don’t like it” or “It’s expensive; that’s a waste”?! 　　Also, brother, I hope you can find a wife as soon as possible. First of all, don’t push yourself; it’s enough if she’s kind-hearted and doesn’t reject me. That would also resolve the concern that mom has had for so long. I understand that in the village, those of our age are already far ahead. Although marriage is something that requires careful consideration, we ordinary people can’t afford to be too picky. Happiness can’t be forced; what’s most important is that a harmonious family leads to success in everything! As for me, I’ve never dared to think about getting married. If I can’t offer someone a future, then I won’t even consider having one myself. As for love, if it can only bring happiness to one party, then that’s not true love; at least it’s not the kind of love I accept. When it comes to love, it’s impossible to know who will fall in love first. 　　I also went back to my hometown, but I didn’t have time to take a closer look; I even didn’t see what the newly renovated place looked like. Grandma is still the same as before; she’s probably even older now. She still has countless worries, and no one knows how many more times her heart can withstand stress. All one can do is think that if she follows her grandmother’s genetic pattern and lives to 90, there should be no problem – it’s the only thing to rely on. 　　Actually, I should be a rather lucky person. Although not particularly attractive, one has fairly regular features and healthy limbs; there are no serious illnesses, the parents are safe and well, and the siblings are unharmed – and this is the greatest happiness! 　　This time, I went back to school as well and entered the library, where I saw a group of people preparing for postgraduate exams who were more professional and disciplined than those preparing for the college entrance exam. Suddenly, another idea came to mind: maybe I should pursue further studies too. In fact, I had considered it, but I told myself that I shouldn’t. In university, what I learned that was most important wasn’t step-by-step programming or digital circuits; rather, it was figuring out my own place in life – that is, what I have, what I want, and what I should give up! I am well aware, and I admit, that I’m stupid – too lazy to figure out how equivalent infinitesimals are equivalent to each other; instead, I’m more willing to think about the idea that \"profit minus expenses for food, housing, and other necessities equals gross profit.\" So, all I can say is goodbye, university, though I’m still not willing to give up. Moreover, they lack any charisma; they’re not good at playing any musical instruments or singing, and they’re not very good at talking either. Even if they told jokes, I doubt I’d laugh. Their horizons are also very narrow; they haven’t seen much of the world, haven’t been to Paris, haven’t tasted any rare delicacies, and don’t know what it’s like to row a boat. Moreover, it also gives off an impression of being very introverted, dull, and simple-minded; no one knows me better than I do myself. But I can always meet the better version of myself, because I am who I am, by nature. I know I have shortcomings, so I work to improve them, yet there will always be shortcomings. 　　The holiday is over; I’m on a train now, and what follows is going to work, recharging, and taking care of my health. Just now, an old man sitting across from me didn’t know how to use the folding fork while eating instant noodles. He said, “This is the first time I’ve eaten this; it smells so good.” I… thought of my mother. She also went to Shenzhen by herself back then. I have no idea how she managed to find the train station, or how she figured out which way was east, west, south, or north. I also don’t know if she ate instant noodles or anything else on the train. But it’s pointless to know that now; the past is gone, and I can’t help her from back then. 　　It’s late at night, and I’m not sleepy; or rather, I deliberately stay awake. It’s the same every time I take a ride – I go to sleep as long as the others are awake, and then I stay awake once it’s late and they’ve fallen asleep. To be honest, I’m a person who resists easily; one could even say I’m quite deliberate in my approach. I don’t engage with people casually or start conversations lightly, nor do I trust others easily. If I feel that a deep relationship isn’t possible, I will definitely be reserved in what I say. Due to low self-esteem and lack of confidence, I develop a defense mechanism against new things; I don’t want to get hurt, so I also don’t give others the chance to hurt me. 　　For now, I still work at Jinghua, in the PCB industry; it’s a factory, so it doesn’t carry much social status. Because of its management model, business philosophy, and experience, I have to put my own pursuits aside for now!