Apple Affection (I)

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The world is full of changes; time keeps moving forward. In our parents’ eyes, we are born, grow up, go to school, leave home, go to other places, get married and have children, and embark on the path of life ； In our eyes, mothers are beautiful and fathers are strong; they work hard, keep working hard, growing older and older, but when they look at you, they always smile without ever complaining. Playmates from childhood, who used to laugh and play together and grew up together, soon went their separate ways; we kept in touch only rarely. I wonder if you, who are now far away, still remember my youthful face from those days? The countryside is no longer what it used to be, and the cities are not the same as they were back then. We keep moving around here, in search of our dreams and seeking the mysteries of life; as we keep walking, the path by which we came becomes blurred. What touches our hearts about “South South” is that when the distant place we seek becomes this very place, right now, the distant place in our hearts is no longer unknown; it becomes that one definite homeland. My hometown is not in the northeast, nor in the northwest; it’s not in Hainan or Xinjiang either. It’s just a small county in southwestern Shanxi. This county isn’t very famous. Guan Yu, also known as Lord Guan, was born here, but few people know that. Yi Dun’s wealth was also forgotten over time. It’s such an obscure place, lying there quietly, like a gentle girl or an elder who has seen all the secrets of life. Only her children felt everything about her – her kindness and warmth, her simplicity and silence. Her children, just like her, were unknown and quiet. When I was very young, I would wander around the orchards; sometimes I even imagined that I was born there. Over the past thirty-odd years, I’ve been in one orchard after another, but it has always been an orchard – never anything else. My ancestors and my parents were inseparable from that land, as well as from those orchards. It would be a nice sight if a person could accompany an orchard from birth to death, whether in photos that have been edited or in those old-fashioned pictures. In fact, even such a beautiful orchard has witnessed all kinds of joys and sorrows, separations and reunions. She is just a small part of this world; like most worlds, it has its share of happiness, as well as sorrow that can be found everywhere. There’s no way to avoid or escape it, not even by the slightest amount. My world of apples might be your world of oranges, or even his world of tall buildings. Our feelings are exactly the same; it’s just that the symbol we use to represent those feelings is different. For me, that symbol is an apple. My grandparents did not have any biological children; they adopted my uncle and my mother. Perhaps because both of those children were not their own, and fearing they would have no one to rely on in old age, they took over that large orchard in the village right at the end of the collective system – it was over ten acres in size, and it served as the source of fruit for the entire village during that time. My grandparents wanted to save some money for their future while they were still able to work, and it turned out that they were very wise in doing so. The older generation has endured far more suffering than we have. My grandfather lost his father at a young age and had to take on all the responsibilities of the family from an early age; later on, he even funded his half-brother’s education ； My grandmother was originally a young lady from a wealthy family; she attended private schools since childhood and was quite literate. Later, a flood struck her hometown, forcing the whole family to flee to our area. They had nothing to eat or drink, and in desperation, her mother sold her to my grandfather. These are two people with completely different personalities, and from then on, various conflicts arose. Sometimes I can’t even imagine that period of history, especially for my grandmother – how much courage and helplessness must one have to accept such a forced fate. It’s hard to imagine; it’s just as oppressive as reading Yu Hua’s novels. Since that orchard was leased, every year, as the weather warmed up and green shoots began to appear in the soil, my grandparents would move into the house in the orchard and stay there until the end of October according to the lunar calendar, when all the apples had been harvested, after which they would return home. Over the course of these six months, I spent almost half of that time there, playing around, catching crickets, and teasing grasshoppers – and a day would pass by very easily. During the summer vacation, my cousins also spent their days in the orchard, whether helping with the work or dealing with arguments among the sisters. Often, my grandfather would scold us, and my grandmother would scold him; looking back, those were some of the most wonderful moments in my life. One year, I can’t remember which month it was, my brother stayed in the fields at night with my grandparents, while we all went back home. The next day, we heard that wolves had been howling outside the door and trying to break it down. My grandfather was inside, fully armed with an axe, ready to fight the wolves at any moment. In the end, the wolves couldn’t break in and ran away. We found it exciting; on the second night we all had to stay in the field to sleep. Since there was no space in the beds, we slept on the ground in the field, waiting for wolves to come. At first, my grandmother refused, but after being persistently begged by the children, she agreed. Yet, the wolf never came again. I also wonder if “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” is just a story invented by that deceitful child. When I was young, I loved to pester my grandmother with requests to tell stories. At first, she would tell stories, but as time went by she ran out of new ones, so she began to share with me various local anecdotes, including stories she had heard about wolves eating children when she was little. Back then, I truly thought wolves were extremely terrifying creatures – how could they eat people? My grandmother, on the other hand, would say that humans are too powerful; wolves can no longer be seen anywhere, as they have retreated to the mountains. But these days, human footprints can be found even in the deepest mountains – so where have the wolves gone? The zoo might be a good destination. But the children in the village can no longer play in groups of three or five as we did when we were kids, without any need for adult supervision. Nowadays, adults have to follow the children wherever they go. As a result, it’s still common to hear about children getting lost or stolen by others, or even being abducted in broad daylight – a situation that is just as severe as wolves stealing children. I don’t understand this phenomenon. Is it really the case that when things go to extremes, people drive away the wolves and suppress their wild nature, only for the wolves to transfer their cruel side to certain individuals, causing those people to turn around and fight back? That would be terrifying. But we are moving forward so fast, with the industrialization of high technology driving the wolves back step by step – isn’t that also terrifying for them? What should a peaceful society look like: me eating your dolls, and you killing my wolf cubs? I walked by your place; shall we turn around and smile at each other? You drive me to the brink of extinction; shall I use my last remnants of fury to retaliate? It’s a problem that’s too difficult; it’s not something that mere mortals like us should try to figure out. It’s pointless to even think about it. We are simply carried along by the currents of society, drifting forward without any control over our own fate. When God created this society, He really played a huge joke on humanity. Since It was He who held ultimate power, He didn’t create humans as puppets; instead, He gave them the ability to think and to feel joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness, so that things would be more interesting for Him. Back then, the sky was still very blue, the water very green; the villages appeared dilapidated, but the people were extremely friendly. After my grandparents moved to the farm, my grandfather began to loosen the soil and remove weeds there, while my grandmother took care of cleaning and cooking, as well as preparing seeds to plant in the areas of the orchard that were available. Back then, there wasn’t as much work to be done in the orchard as there is now – just loosening the soil, weeding, applying some farmyard manure, and watering it; nothing else seemed to be required. Now, in addition to loosening the soil and weeding, applying fertilizer and irrigation, pruning is necessary in winter; when flowers bloom, they need to be thinned out, and when fruits form, they too need to be thinned. Moreover, bags must be used, and pesticides need to be applied several times a year. Although it’s just a few verbs, the amount of work involved over a year is actually quite substantial. These days, there is a focus on green and organic foods; especially city dwellers always ask whether pesticides have been used on the apples I have to say helplessly, \"Spray it.\" But this pesticide is used only to kill certain pests and treat diseases in fruit trees, so that the branches and leaves can thrive and thereby provide more nutrients to the apples. Society is sometimes like a vicious cycle. We first invented pesticides and fertilizers with the aim of increasing crop yields so that more people would not go hungry. Yet over time, things reached an extreme: pork was filled with water, and cucumbers were sprayed with growth agents. Beyond the obvious motives driven by profit, could there also be a connection to our souls? This is a profound question that those of limited understanding cannot comprehend. Because of water injection and growth promoters, people have begun to reject everything from the past, opposing pesticides and chemical fertilizers. Then, those who came before them and dedicated their lives to researching pesticides and chemical fertilizers in an effort to do good for the people – was their entire life not a complete mistake? Did they not become enemies of the people? There is a limit to everything; it’s not possible to go beyond that limit, and it’s even worse to do so. Yet humans really know very little about this world, so every step must be taken with extreme caution. Sometimes, despite our good intentions, we still end up doing wrong things, not to mention those who deliberately act carelessly and intent on doing evil. Every step must be taken carefully; once a mistake is made, it will cost more to go back. When my grandmother was alive, she mainly grew various flowers and vegetables in the fields; among them were henna plants. Once the flowers bloomed, us girls would get all fancy and dye our hands and feet red and yellow, then compare each other’s colors. There are many types of vegetables: green beans, eggplants, tomatoes, peppers, and so on. There can really be insects in them; you can even see the excrement left by those insects within the vegetables. When eating, we pick carefully and never choose those that have been bitten by insects – it’s too unsightly and dirty. There were really too many insects back then; it was impossible to catch them all, and the labor cost was too high. One also had to do other things – life isn’t just about catching insects. With the general trend leaning towards green products, I don’t dare to oppose or go against what everyone thinks; yet whether this is indeed the best option, one that balances all the pros and cons, is something that will take time to prove.