The onlooker sees most of the game; I really don’t know what kind of person I am.

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This post was last edited by zhaopeng02 on 2015-9-26 at 19:54. I work at a private chemical plant; I’ve been there for 8 years now, having progressed from an operator to the shift supervisor of the production facilities. There’s nothing wrong with my work ability; to have been able to get this position shows that I have good execution skills and a high degree of independence. However, I have one fatal weakness, though I can’t really describe what it is. Maybe it’s related to my ability to get along with others. Let me give a few examples. I work in a production role on shift basis; I must complete the tasks assigned by my supervisors carefully, and I also go to check the work to identify any shortcomings. But when it comes to taking over unfinished work from the previous shift, there are tasks I’m reluctant to do or simply refuse to do. For example, there are tasks left over from the previous shift that they themselves didn’t want to handle, or they stopped working on them due to certain problems; they just mention them briefly during the handover. In fact, it’s possible to find a way to complete those tasks, but they still don’t do it. Such situations really annoy me. Another issue is when problems are identified at work but not addressed; when we try to deal with them, it bothers me and I feel uneasy. But whether during the process or after it’s completed, I still end up feeling frustrated. One of the collectors operates at a negative pressure of -10 KPA; the access hole is opened to clean the collector, and air comes out from that hole, indicating that there is a blockage in the pipeline connecting the collector to the negative pressure system. I can’t believe that this was not detected by them – they still don’t know about it. In the team I lead, I feel that I do everything I can think of; although I know there are shortcomings that I haven’t yet identified. It’s just my opinion, and though I don’t fully understand the strengths and weaknesses of other teams, I believe I have done everything that I should have done. The team may not be in first place, but it’s also not in last place. Actually, I have quite a few ideas regarding my work. At the beginning, I would lead my team in carrying out tasks such as arranging tools on site, cleaning up the clutter in the maintenance boxes, and addressing various issues that arise during production. But as everyone knows, it’s very exhausting to keep doing something that others don’t do or won’t maintain; your team members will also say things like, “Why are we the only ones doing this? Why don’t the others do it?” Over time, I gradually stopped doing it as well. But the outcome was usually as I had expected – internal company inspections uncovered these problems, and the workshop imposed penalties on the four teams involved. Today, the company conducted joint inspections of various workshops; leaders from all departments were present. However, when we entered our workshop, we found that two people were not wearing protective shoes – they were wearing their own shoes. Another person had the strap of his safety helmet not fastened; it was just placed inside the helmet. Since those people were company leaders, I said nothing. Actually, telling the result will only make things more awkward for everyone; they’ll try to find faults with you. I just think that these rules weren’t established for me, nor for those in my team or my workshop – they’re things that everyone who works in this facility must abide by. Yet those in positions of authority are the first to break them, which really makes me angry. The functional departments in this company, along with their managers and the company’s internal management systems, are like the laws in Chinese society today: laws meant for ordinary people. The same is true here; the rules are only meant for the workers. I know it’s an era where the weak can’t overcome the strong. In an internal workshop evaluation, some people said I was picky, while others said I was too focused on my own work interests. At first, I thought you were being picky and constantly looking for faults in me; don’t you know your own mistakes? Can’t I say it? I care too much about my own work interests; if I do something, it’s because I choose to do it, and if I don’t do it, that’s simply because I don’t. Why should I put in extra effort silently? In today’s society, I think that if you work too hard, people will consider you stupid, not understanding what you actually do every day. But now I’ve come to understand a few things: those who point out my flaws help me improve, and those who say I care too much about my own interests remind me that I shouldn’t be too assertive in some situations, as there are things others do that I’m not aware of. I care a lot about what other people think, whether it’s my colleagues below me or my supervisors above. Sometimes, certain things or words can make me feel down or cause me to think a lot about them. I feel like there’s really something wrong with me. I’m a competitive person, but I can’t handle setbacks well. Moreover, I’m straightforward; when I see something I don’t like, I can’t help but say it out loud, and this is very detrimental to me. The personality is introverted, and the sense of pride is weak, making it difficult to withstand setbacks. There were several times when I wanted to quit............ Sometimes I even thought I had depression. I feel a lot of work pressure, and some of that stress is something I create for myself; I don’t know how to manage it. That’s how companies are these days, and that’s also the case in Chinese society; one can only change themselves to adapt to it. I understand the logic, but I just can’t do it. . . . . I hope some fellow sailors can guide me and tell me what kind of person I should be, how to avoid putting pressure on myself, how to resist saying things too bluntly, and how to manage and integrate a team well. It’s a bit complicated; those who have read this article, please offer some advice.