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What should I do if I encounter such a brother-in-law?

2016-03-11View Original

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My wife has a younger brother who dropped out of vocational school before completing his studies. During his time at school, he smoked, drank alcohol, and got into fights – he even attacked the security guards after drinking. The school had to call the police and emergency services on several occasions. His family was also called to the school many times. He broke several of their mobile phones (worth around 2,000 yuan each). His sister gives him more than 300 yuan per week for living expenses, and she also buys him clothes; he refuses to wear brands-name clothes, but often ends up wearing clothes that belong to his classmates, with no idea what happens to them later. He often asks his relatives to send him money as well. Their family relationship is very close, so they do give him money when asked, though now they only give him small amounts, around 100 or 200 yuan. Last year, I worked for a private company near my hometown, doing equipment maintenance work. I often skipped work, but since I had relatives there, I wasn’t fired. At the end of the year, the company closed down, and now I’m at home with nothing to do. I often go out drinking with local troublemakers and wander around; when I run out of money, I ask my family to send me some cash... A few days ago, I went out to play with a neighbor’s child; he said he didn’t have money for food or train tickets and asked me to send him money. I gave him 100 yuan, then he asked my uncle to send another 100, and he also borrowed 100 more. He planned to stay there for two days (the fare back home was just over 30 yuan). When he got back, he said he didn’t have money for food and could only eat potatoes. I sent him money and told him he had to go back that day; he agreed, but after I sent the money I lost touch with him. (Some time ago, I secretly gave him 200 yuan; he asked me not to tell my family, saying he would use it to pay back a friend.) Now I feel he’s extremely shameless, and I don’t know how to deal with him anymore. He’s coming to stay with me in a couple of days, and I don’t know how to deal with this... With my temperament, if he doesn’t listen I just pick up a fight; I’m too lazy to indulge him, but at the same time I’m afraid of hurting his feelings. Ugh...
Reply #22016-03-11
If your wife gets involved, no matter how close you are, you’re still considered an outsider.
Reply #32016-03-11
None of them in that family can keep control of themselves... I heard from my wife that they even smashed a phone in front of her; she was actually a bit scared!
Reply #42016-03-11
If they lack discipline and no one can control them, then leave it to 1 1 0 to take care of it.
Reply #52016-03-11
He really needs to be disciplined; at home there’s no one he isn’t afraid to insult or even hit – it’s the people around him who have spoiled him. After all, they are family members. What can you do, call the police?...
Reply #62016-03-11
I’m glad I didn’t annoy you; if I did, we can talk about it then!
Reply #72016-03-11
Being an brother-in-law isn’t easy either! Do your duty.
Reply #82016-03-11
Let your wife take care of it; stop giving him money in the future. If he wants it, let him go ask his sister for it.
Reply #92016-03-11
Who knows, maybe his sister will give it to you behind your back; it’s hard to control
Reply #102016-03-14
If I don’t give it to him, I feel there’s tension in our relationship; if I do give it to him, it’s like indulging him. Trying to reason with him is pointless – the words just go in one ear and out the other... :L
Reply #112016-03-14
As soon as he does a little something, his sister praises him excessively....

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