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This father used these 22 family rules to raise kind and empathetic children. From Youth Business School. Read: 160 times, Shared: 25 times. Save to my library. Share on WeChat: I have two children at home; although they get along well, they often argue as well. For a while, the two of them would always say, “He/She made me do this...” (It was him who made me do it). So I deliberately taught them that “No one can force you to do anything. You can choose to do this or that.” Gradually, I noticed that they stopped saying those ineffective things like “He/She made me...”. Of course, other conflicts will arise. In fact, not only children but also adults experience many more conflicts, and similar principles are needed to enable self-adjustment, so as to gradually ensure that our thoughts, words, and actions do not go against our own values while also being beneficial to others. I remembered the four principles I saw in the Rotary Club (a regional social organization aimed at promoting professional exchanges and providing social services) in the past: “When we think, speak, and act, let us consider: First, is this true?” Second, is it fair to the relevant parties? Third, does it promote goodwill and friendship? Fourth, is it beneficial for everyone? ” My colleague David, the president of the local Rotary club, said that these four principles are actually a breakdown of the principle of “do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.” I also think that the more detailed the breakdown, and the clearer it can be expressed, the more helpful it is to people. The more general it is, the less help it provides. So, based on my own understanding, I wrote down the following values as our family’s rules. I’m not sure how acceptable they will be, but at least it will let the children know what I value. ▋Understanding others: 1. What is more important than \"Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself\" is \"Do not impose on others what you desire for yourself\", as others may have different aspirations from yours. 2. Not everyone can change. Do not force others to change; instead, accept them and address issues by building on their strengths. 3. Think more about others’ difficulties and don’t be too persistent. 4. Use imagination in multiple ways. Understanding does not arise out of thin air; it requires imagining others' situations. ▋Positive communication: 5. Use your understanding of others to help develop their strengths, rather than using it to attack them. 6. If it cannot shape a person, then don’t even speak of it. 7. Besides “No,” “Listen to me,” and “Listen to you,” there is also the option of “Let’s do it together.” 8. If you come into conflict with someone else and you truly believe that you are in the right and that the other person is wrong, you need to have the ability to persuade them through logic and evidence; you cannot try to suppress them by using force or other coercive methods. ▋Pull back moderately. 9. Some battles are not worth fighting, while others are definitely worth it; focus your efforts on the latter. It’s not a matter of principle; don’t waste energy on it. 10. Don’t easily ask others to do things you yourself can’t or don’t want to do. 11. For things that one doesn’t want to do or is unable to do, let others take care of them; allow them to carry them out in their own way, and express your appreciation. Don’t point fingers or find faults from the side. Otherwise, you will anger others and bring shame upon yourself. 12. If you’re not happy with what someone else does, do it yourself; otherwise you won’t learn either. 13. When someone apologizes to you, accept it and do what you need to do; don’t dwell on whether they are sincere or not. Many times, it’s already very difficult for the other party to take this step. When it’s one’s own turn to apologize, one should apologize. 14. When someone compliments you, say thank you and then go on with what you need to do. Stop asking further questions; it eventually becomes annoying. ▋Don’t force it. 15. We all have many flaws and need to improve. No one is perfect, and neither are we. 16. Know yourself and be able to accurately identify your strengths and weaknesses in order to make progress. People should reflect on themselves every day. 17. Don’t let your pride stop you from doing what’s right, including admitting your mistakes. 18. Enjoy yourself while playing, but also remember to be responsible toward others; do not invade their privacy or disturb their peace or rest. 19. If you value a certain principle, express it (by writing it down on paper, listing the values you hold dear, and sharing them with those around you); bringing your subconscious to light helps it to play a role. 20. Well, good habits, just like skills, need to be practiced to be acquired. 21. Maintain an open mind. Consider more perspectives before drawing a conclusion. 22. There’s no need to push yourself to the point where you’re overwhelmed or exhausted; leave some room for relaxation and enjoyment. “A kind heart is gold. ” —— Shakespeare