A letter from a security professional to his wife

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This time, I will definitely stay by your side in my memories. Over the many years we’ve been married, you’ve been constantly busy – taking care of the household and working. Aside from the time when you were hospitalized due to giving birth to our daughter, you never even had the chance to get sick and rest in the hospital, and I certainly didn’t have any time to be with you. And this time, I will definitely be by your side! 1 It’s completely silent outside the operating room; time seems to pass so slowly! It took us 8 years to get married after meeting, but it feels to me like the time since your surgery has exceeded several 8-year periods. I haven’t had peace of mind since the results of the biopsy came in. It’s not that I’m not scared or worried; I just can’t show it in front of you, for fear of putting extra pressure on you. In front of you, I act carefree as if nothing has happened, but that day, after returning from the provincial hospital, I had some alcohol at night, and once in the car I burst into tears; my suppressed sobs left the driver at a loss... It wasn’t until we reached our building that I wiped away my tears, forced a smile, and went upstairs to open the door. Logically, a safety supervisor who is always the first to arrive at the scene of an accident to oversee emergency rescue efforts shouldn’t be so timid or uncalm, but you are my wife, the mother of my daughter, my loved one! I can’t maintain that calmness and composure. I didn’t expect you to be so strong; you walked into the operating room with a smile, even waving at me as you went. At that moment, I really wanted to give you a hug, but I didn’t, because tears were welling up in my eyes and could fall at any moment. At that moment, it felt as though I had stepped into an endless, dark alley; I had no idea how long or how deep it was. It feels like millions of ants are biting inside me… My thoughts take me back many years ago, when we were in high school together and our desks were next to each other. I am a day student, and you are a boarding student. It rained that day, and by the time school was over, the rain had grown even stronger. I’m extremely worried; I didn’t bring an umbrella – how am I supposed to go home for dinner? While I was impatiently flipping through my math book, I accidentally found a lunch voucher stuck inside it. While I was in awe, I suddenly saw you give a shy smile; your bright eyes held something deep and unfathomable, and I was deeply moved… Later, you were admitted to university in the Northeast, and although I didn’t leave home, I too could be considered to have attended university. After graduation, I returned to my hometown to work as a rural teacher. After graduating, you stayed in the county town and joined a government agency. I wanted to give up, but your dedication to love forced me to fight against fate, and two years later I moved to the city as well. Without a red carpet or a wedding dress, we still walked hand in hand into the marriage. 3 Although we started from scratch, we have never experienced the feeling that poverty brings endless troubles to a couple. We have always faced everything with optimism, stepping forward step by step to reach where we are today. Who can know all the hardships and ups and downs along the way? Who can solve it? Whenever I face setbacks, you are more anxious and more upset than I am. From teacher to prosecutor, then to the Justice Bureau, the 610 Office, and the Political and Legal Affairs Committee, all the way to the Work Safety Supervision Bureau, these constant role changes seem to have expanded my experience, but they have only added worries to you. I haven’t allowed you to enjoy a single day of peace, but often made you worry and fear for me. Especially since I started working at the Safety Supervision Bureau, I have not had a single full holiday. The busyness associated with work in safety supervision is different from other types of busyness; it is a busyness that knows no rest day or night, a busyness that keeps one deeply concerned, and a busyness without any off-seasons throughout the year. They celebrate festivals, while we get through difficulties. This small-scale head of the local work safety supervision office is, in fact, like a frontline soldier, a production team leader who assigns tasks. Every time an accident occurs, I am the first one to arrive at the scene. Whether it’s night or day, you worry about me constantly. If you go to the scene and don’t return for the night, you’ll stay awake all night. 4 Since becoming the head of the safety supervision department, this is the first time I have taken time off in several years; the three-day leave included the weekends, so in reality I only took one day off. You wake up from general anesthesia, unable to eat or drink; I moisten your pale lips with a warm, wet towel. The phone keeps ringing, and I can’t avoid answering it, let alone turn it off. I look at you with regret, as I still can’t put my work aside even though I’ve taken time off. You stopped my explanation with a forgiving smile. But anyway, this time, I must definitely stay by your side! However, a major work safety accident occurred in another region. “One plant has an accident, and ten thousand plants learn from it ； \"If one area has hidden dangers, the whole country must be alerted.\" Instructions, directives, notices, and reports from higher authorities are issued urgently, and immediate action is required. I really can’t stay seated any longer; I can’t keep accompanying you properly. I must go back to organize another round of thorough law enforcement inspections. You have seen what’s on my mind; you understand deeply that the responsibility for safe production is of utmost importance. You say, “The drainage tube can be removed today; let’s go home then!” ”I absolutely refuse to agree; the doctor said that I must wait until the stitches are removed before I can be discharged. But you insisted on being discharged, and in the end the doctor was persuaded by you. For the thyroidectomy, you were in the hospital for only three days. This time, I still wasn’t able to be with you properly. Author: Geng Qingrui Narration: Yang Hua