【Sea and River Night Talks】Children are asked to give up using smartphones – can parents do the same first?

Thread Content

Recently, the news about \"four agreements signed over five years between a lawyer mother in Dongguan, Guangdong, and her 10-year-old son\" sparked much discussion. In Xi’an, Shaanxi, Mr. Ma and his son also have an agreement: the child is allowed to use a smartphone for one hour on Saturdays, but not at any other time； As parents, they are not allowed to use their phones at home except for making normal calls. With the emergence of more and more agreements between parents and children, various opinions from the public have also begun to appear. Some parents believe that signing an agreement with their children is too strict and not warm enough ； Others believe it can help children develop a better sense of rules. Despite differing opinions, it is undeniable that this reflects a positive social change: as educational concepts are reshaped and updated, many parents have moved away from the misconception of raising children through strict control, learning to respect their autonomy and trusting that children possess the ability to self-regulate and adjust themselves. “As the “digital natives,” those born in the 2000s have a natural affinity for the Internet. With online games, live streaming, and short videos, smartphones create a world that blends the virtual and the real, allowing children to easily observe the diverse aspects of society and human life. Mobile phones not only serve entertainment and social purposes, but they can also help children develop a sense of self-identity and social identity, acting as a means for them to integrate into society and satisfying some of their spiritual needs and emotional demands. Therefore, if children lack the ability to resist temptations, manage their desires and exercise self-discipline, they are prone to becoming addicted to their phones and finding it difficult to break free. The stratification in education has a direct impact on future social mobility; to prevent their children from falling behind too early in the educational competition, many parents ask them to play with smartphones less or not at all. However, that rigid and cold approach to education through coercion easily meets with resistance from children. ““One cannot correct others if one is not oneself upright.” Parents themselves suffer from \"phone addiction\" and become \"phubbers\" as soon as they get home. The poor behavior and lack of discipline on the part of parents can easily lead to children adopting similar behaviors. From this perspective, the \"father-son phone agreement\" is not a one-way system of constraints and incentives, but rather a two-way \"tightening spell\". How can one expect children to do something that their own parents cannot do? “The \"parent-child mobile phone agreement\" serves as a mirror, reflecting the changes in family relationships between parents and children – from an approach that emphasized parental authority unconditionally, with no requirements or constraints on parents’ roles, and that ignored or disregarded the emotional needs and spiritual aspirations of children, to one in which parents understand the importance of respecting their children’s rights and dignity, are willing to treat them on an equal footing and build trust with them, and work together to become better versions of themselves. “The “father-son phone agreement” not only helps children break their addiction to playing with phones but also encourages fathers to develop the good habit of reading at home; in essence, it’s a win-win situation. This is just one case, but it undoubtedly serves as a lesson for many young parents: in their children’s growth process, the role models that parents play will inevitably influence, to some extent, the development and shaping of their children’s mental world. That educational approach of unilaterally demanding that children follow rules while allowing oneself to do as one pleases is becoming increasingly outdated.