Father’s Day: Revisiting Zhu Ziqing’s “The Back of My Father”

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　　I have not seen my father for over two years now, and what I cannot forget the most is his back. 　　That winter, my grandmother died, and my father lost his job; it was a time of continuous misfortunes. I am traveling from Beijing to Xuzhou, intending to go home to attend my father’s funeral. When I went to Xuzhou to see my father and saw the mess all over the place, I thought of my grandmother and couldn’t help but burst into tears. Father said, “Since things have come to this, there’s no need to be sad. Thankfully, there’s always a way out!” ” 　　Returning home to sell what could be sold or pawned, the father covered the losses ； They borrowed more money to cover the funeral expenses. These days, the situation at home is very difficult; half of it is due to the funeral arrangements, and the other half is because my father is unemployed. After the funeral, my father was going to Nanjing in search of work, and I needed to return to Beijing to continue my studies, so we traveled together. 　　Upon arriving in Nanjing, a friend invited me to go out and explore, so I stayed there for a day ； On the morning of the second day, one must cross the river to Pukou, and in the afternoon take a train northward. My father was busy and had already agreed not to accompany me; instead, he asked a tea server he knew at the hotel to go with me. He gave the tea server repeated instructions, very carefully. But in the end he became worried, fearing that the tea room wouldn’t be proper ； He hesitated for a while. Actually, I was already twenty years old that year, and I had been to Beijing two or three times; it wasn’t anything serious. He hesitated for a while, but eventually decided to take me there himself. I advised him a couple of times that he didn’t need to go ； He only said, “It’s okay, it’s not good for them to go!” ” 　　We crossed the river and entered the station. I bought the tickets while he was busy taking care of the luggage. There’s too much luggage; I need to give the porter some tips to get it across. He then busied himself negotiating prices with them again. I was extremely foolish back then; I always thought his way of speaking wasn’t very good, so I felt compelled to interject, but in the end he managed to agree on a price ； Just take me to the car. He picked out a chair by the door for me ； I laid out the purple fur coat he made for me as a seat cover. He told me to be careful on the road, to stay alert at night, and to avoid catching a cold. He also asked the tea house staff to take good care of me. I secretly laughed at his pedantry ； They only recognize money; asking them for help is pointless! And someone of my age should still be able to take care of myself, shouldn’t I? Ah, thinking about it now, I was really smart back then! 　　I said, “Dad, go ahead.” ”He glanced outside the car and said, “I’m going to buy some oranges.” Stay right here; don’t move around. ”I see a few vendors waiting for customers outside the fence on that platform over there. To get to that platform, one has to cross the railway tracks, jump down and then climb back up. My father is overweight, so it takes more effort to walk over to him. I was going to go, but he refused, so I had no choice but to let him go. I saw him wearing a small black cloth hat and a large black cloth robe, as well as a dark blue cotton robe; he staggered over to the edge of the railway and slowly leaned down, with it not being too difficult for him to do so. But it’s not easy for him to cross the railway and climb up to that platform. He used both hands to climb up, pulling his feet upward as well ； His obese body leaned slightly to the left, showing an effortful appearance. At that moment, I saw his back, and tears streamed down my face quickly. I quickly wiped away my tears. I’m afraid he’ll see it, and I’m also afraid other people will see it. When I looked outside again, he was already walking back, holding the crimson oranges. When crossing the railway track, he first scattered the oranges on the ground, climbed down slowly himself, and then picked up the oranges to carry them. When I got here, I hurried over to help him. He walked with me to the car and piled all the oranges on my leather coat. So she patted the dirt off her clothes, feeling relieved. After a while, he said, “I’m leaving; write to me over there!” ”I watched him walk out. He took a few steps, then turned back and saw me, saying, “Go in; there’s no one inside.” ”Once his back disappeared among the crowd of people coming and going, out of sight, I went in and sat down; my tears came again. 　　In recent years, my father and I have been traveling around constantly, and the situation at home has been getting worse by the day. He left home at a young age to make a living, supported himself on his own, and accomplished many great things. Who would have thought that old age would be so dismal! He was filled with sorrow, and naturally, he could not control his emotions. When emotions are pent up inside, they naturally need to be expressed outwardly ； Minor household matters often provoke his anger. He began to treat me differently from before. But after not seeing each other for the past two years, he finally forgot my flaws and only thought of me, and thought of my son. After I came to the north, he wrote me a letter in which he said, “I am healthy, but my shoulder hurts severely; it is very difficult for me to hold a chopstick or write, and it seems that my death is near.” ”Reading to this point, through my teary eyes, I saw once again that plump figure dressed in a cotton robe of blue cloth and a black jacket. Alas! I don’t know when I’ll be able to see him again!