Simple and effective ways to make children wise, hardworking, and popular

Thread Content

Simple and effective ways to make children wise, hardworking, and popular. I had a student who ranked first in all his subjects from the first grade through the sixth grade. Isn’t that great? Are you envious? Question: Would such a child be good in your family? Answer: Yes. 　　Don’t be \"okay\" so quickly. She was always the top student from grade one to six, but she never did any housework at home; so if she doesn’t do any housework there, will she suddenly become very diligent at school? Impossible. Later, because she didn’t do the assigned tasks properly, there were more and more complaints from her classmates; the complaints were so frequent that they began to threaten my authority as a teacher. If I didn’t take action, the other students would say that the teacher was biased. So I had no choice but to intervene, and I called her mother. Of course, when interacting with people, we should follow one principle: whenever we meet someone, we should praise them first, whether it’s them or their children. You can’t start a conversation with someone by saying that their child is terrible; you can’t say to someone, “Why didn’t you do this task properly today?” If you say such things right from the start, it will make that person feel bad. So, isn’t it important to learn how to speak properly? Confucius taught four very important things, and the first one is “virtue.” Among the four key aspects of his teachings, “virtue” comes first. Again, speaking, “words”. 「\"A single word can bring prosperity to a nation, or it can lead to its downfall.\" Speaking well can help a nation thrive, while wrong words can bring disaster upon it; therefore, one must be very cautious with what is said. One can be ruined by words, let alone a family. Again, regarding \"political affairs,\" the character \"zheng\" refers to the act of managing people; thus, in a broad sense, political affairs denote a child’s ability to take action and the wisdom needed to handle matters. This falls under the third key point: \"political affairs.\" Today’s parents don’t let their children do any work; so can they handle tasks on their own? \"If jade isn’t carved, it won’t become a useful object.\" There is a reason why children’s ability to handle things is declining these days – it’s because we haven’t taught them. Fourth, “literature”. These are the four disciplines of Confucianism. In ancient times, literature was referred to as \"writing words\" among the \"three immortals,\" meaning that creating works that will endure through the ages can benefit future generations. What is the premise for creating words and writings, then? Any foundation lies in virtue; without virtue, the words written will not bring benefit to others. Therefore, virtue is essential. Thus, there are three things that ensure immortality in life, and the first is to cultivate virtue. 　　Next, “make contributions”—truly be of real help to your family, country, and society. If you possess such virtue and take such actions, even if you don’t write about them yourself, others will do it for you. So, \"The Record of Yi Tian\" describes Fan Zhongyan – was it written by Fan Zhongyan himself? No. Many articles praising the sages of past generations were not written by him himself; they were written by others who admired his skills. Therefore, those who have achieved virtue and accomplished great deeds must surely have something to say. 　　Now we need to consider these four important skills – have we taught them in our daily lives? Therefore, the ability to do household chores is a form of life wisdom that helps one develop practical skills. So I called her and first talked to her mother about any good performances the child has had recently, about her representing the school in competitions, and about how hard she works at practicing*. When her mother heard this, she said no, no, teacher, you won’t mind. After giving praise, we changed the subject, and I spoke with this parent, saying that a child’s various attitudes can influence her entire life (I didn’t say anything specific about her child; we simply changed the topic to provide guidance). For example, developing an attitude toward doing household chores helps a child form many important attitudes regarding how to interact with others. I explained these points to her. I say that for a child to know how to do housework, the first thing is to be grateful. When she went to mop the floor, you told her to clean the entire living room. Only after mopping did she realize how hard it was. She then thought: Mom goes out to work in the morning, comes back in the afternoon, and in the evening she still has to cook and do the laundry. If I get this tired just from mopping, then Mom must be even more tired. Only if you let her do it actually can she feel something; if you don’t let her do anything and she just sits there watching TV all day, how can she know what the hard work is? Thus, the sages teach that *only those who work know how to be grateful; only those who are able to work and give can appreciate the efforts of others* – hard work fosters gratitude. 　　Mr. Zeng Guofan possessed great wisdom in managing his household. Although he held the position of governor over four provinces—a rank that no Han Chinese had ever attained in the entire history of the Qing Dynasty—he required all his descendants to handle their basic needs themselves: whether it was getting dressed or performing household chores. They were not allowed to leave these tasks to others. This way, his descendants would not become lazy and averse to hard work. Such foresight indeed demonstrates his deep planning and prudence. Therefore, Mr. Zeng Guofan said that to determine whether a family would prosper or decline, one should look at three things. First, what time do the descendants get up? If they don’t get up until it’s already very bright outside due to the sunlight, it indicates that the family will gradually become lazy. So, the first thing to check is what time they wake up. Second, one should see whether the descendants do household chores; the habit of being hardworking and industrious has a lifelong impact. Third, one must see whether the descendants read the classics of the sages. “Without learning, people cannot understand righteousness or the proper way of conduct.” Mr. Zeng Guofan held such correct views, which is why his descendants are still thriving today. In Mr. Nie Yuntai’s book \"Methods to Preserve Wealth,\" it is often mentioned that the descendants of Mr. Zeng Guofan were doing well at that time. He also cited Mr. Lin Zexu – those highly learned scholars of the Qing dynasty who indeed passed on their moral principles to their descendants. So children must be made to do more work in order to feel grateful. 　　There was a child who, after being taught by his teacher that his birthday is also the day his mother suffered during childbirth, realized that on his birthday he shouldn’t think of McDonald’s or all those gifts. So, what should he think of instead? He should think of his mother’s hard work, the pain she endured while giving birth, and all the efforts she made in raising him. These things must be kept in mind, and one should always remember to be grateful and repay such kindness. So on their birthdays, the children in their class don’t ask to buy a bunch of things; instead, they take the initiative to do household chores. So there was a girl who decided to cook a dish for her mother. That day she wanted to prepare stir-fried cucumbers. Since the girl was not very tall and it was difficult for her to reach the right height, she brought a chair and stepped on it so that she could reach higher. She then picked up a spatula to pour in the oil, but the oil splashed. Those who have never cooked before don’t understand this phenomenon; as soon as the oil splashed, she immediately put on large gloves to protect herself and continued cooking with full protective gear. As soon as the cucumber was placed there, it splashed even higher. She quickly had an idea: she went to get her father’s safety helmet, put it on her head, and after much effort managed to finish preparing her cucumber, which she then brought to her mother to eat. I believe that after this child finishes stir-frying these cucumbers, she won’t be picky about eating vegetables in the future. Won’t she? No, she’ll understand how much effort it takes. 　　We often say, “Under the midday sun, farmers hoe the fields; sweat drips onto the soil beneath the crops. Who knows that every grain on our plates is the fruit of hard labor?” But no matter how often we recite this, if you actually try to grow a crop of rice for one season, let me tell you, even the way you eat the rice becomes different. Truly, when you’ve worked for four months and finally harvest it, you’ll chew each grain very thoroughly. Since I’ve done this myself—not that I grew rice; I grew carrots instead. After growing them for a month or two, he ate them all up in just one meal. That’s when I truly appreciated the hard work of farmers. It made me develop a sense of gratitude and a mindset of cherishing resources. 　　We say that those who are away from home often miss their parents, and when I first arrived in Haikou, I would often think about how wonderful my mother is. Why? Because when I was in Haikou, I had to do all the chores by myself – wash my own clothes, mop the floor, and take care of all household tasks. Only then did I realize just how difficult it is for a mother; running a household truly requires skill. One also has to cook one’s own meals; it is only while chopping vegetables oneself that one realizes how difficult it is. Therefore, we say that *only through hard work can one learn to be grateful*. Only when a child develops a grateful heart can he acknowledge the kindness shown to him by others. Only then will he think of all that others have done for him, and in turn, give back to them and care for them. So first of all, it’s important to do household chores and to be grateful. 　　Secondly, he will develop a habit of being diligent. In my teaching experience, I’ve seen many children who carry out tasks promptly once given instructions; they are used to doing work at home. Children who don’t do any work at home seem to be extremely timid and cautious. When you give them tasks, they think about various things first, and as a result they work slowly. If you ask them to wring out a mop thoroughly, they appear clumsy and unhardworking. Actually, I’m also clumsy, because I didn’t do much work when I was young. As the eldest grandson and the eldest great-grandson, if I were to go and wash the dishes, there would definitely be a lot of commotion in the house – my grandmother would come over, then my mother, and after that my two sisters. So I never get the chance to wash the dishes. But that’s just an excuse. At home, there’s less work to do, so the movements don’t seem as agile. 　　I went to Australia to study for *half a year. Once it was my turn to do the dishes, and Uncle Lu happened to walk by. He was about to go away when he suddenly turned back, looked at me, and said something: He said that just by watching you wash the dishes, it’s clear you’re very lucky. Truly wise people with life experience can tell just by listening to us young people speak or observing one of our actions what kind of character we have. So if you want your child to achieve success in the future, you need to build up his skills now. A degree cannot deceive those who are wise and experienced; therefore, if you want to plan for your child’s long-term future, you must train him from an early age in the abilities needed to conduct himself properly and to handle tasks effectively. 　 　During my six months in Australia, I learned many things. One of them is that the amount of work one should do in their lifetime is predetermined. If you don’t work when you’re young, life will be difficult for you when you get old; working then becomes very painful. So, while you’re young, do as much good as possible and help others, so that you can enjoy a comfortable life in your old age. Since there were seventy or eighty people going to learn*, we had to wash the bowls of all of them. I once washed those huge buckets used for cooking soup; I had to scrub them thoroughly. So, I had to make up for all the work I hadn’t done over the past few decades in just half a year. Then I make steamed buns – 800 to 1,000 at a time – and kneading them to that extent almost makes it impossible for me to stand, but through this work I have learned many ways of doing things and also come to understand the hard work others put in. Therefore, it takes the efforts of many people to enable you to get through a single day. When you actually do your own work, a sense of gratitude naturally arises within you; consequently, you won’t waste the services rendered to you by others. Furthermore, one should develop the habit of being diligent; children who are diligent are particularly fortunate and easily receive help from kind people. 　　When I was teaching, it happened to be the year I taught science. After class, there were still many teaching materials on the desks. Without even having to ask them, three or four children would take it upon themselves to organize those materials in an orderly manner. Two would be responsible for sweeping, and two for organizing them. What do you think of such children? You feel happy, right? Would you pay more attention to them? Yes. Our teachers are unbiased, but when we encounter a child who is so well-behaved, considerate, and eager to learn, we truly want to help them succeed. That’s why hardworking children are particularly likely to receive support from kind people. 　　The third advantage of doing housework is that it improves one’s interpersonal relationships. Friends, with what kind of people do you like to work together? Do you prefer to work with hardworking people or lazy ones? So during our university days, when classmates were looking for partners to form a group to work on reports, who was the person everyone preferred to work with? Those who were very hardworking; as for the lazy ones, people would quickly avoid them and not want to be in the same group as them. We see many college students who attend school for a few months before being dismissed by the university. Why? Their ability to manage daily life is too poor; they leave their dormitories in a mess. If our children go to the dormitory or a group setting and take the initiative to clean right away, and if they see others busy, they will go over and ask if there is anything they can help with, what impression do they make on their classmates and teachers? They come across as very hardworking and pleasant, which naturally leads to good interpersonal relationships. But what if he doesn’t do household chores and has poor standards of behavior? Not only will he be of no help, but he will also cause a lot of trouble for others. The items left in that place are used by others and not returned to their original spots. When those people try to find them, they search for a long time only to discover them in your room. They may be angry but don’t dare say anything; eventually, when their frustration builds up to a certain point, it explodes. So these college students drop out – they don’t know how to behave around their classmates and teachers, and eventually the school advises them to leave. 　　There is an example from Shenzhen: a college student whose classmates didn’t want to live with him, and even teachers were afraid of him coming to their homes. Whenever he arrived at a teacher’s house, he would ring the doorbell at noon, disturbing the teacher who was still sleeping. Once inside, he would use the computer while eating snacks; snacks would fall all over the floor, and the grease from his hands would end up on the keyboard. That’s why his teachers were very afraid of him. So in the end, the school expelled him. As a result, a newspaper in Shenzhen published a picture showing this student wearing a doctoral hat, with his mother feeding him, as he didn’t have any skills at all. Why is he depicted as being fed by his mother? It’s because his mother is his arch-nemesis; if she doesn’t feed him, he won’t eat. How can a college student behave in such a way? His mother must feel very resentful and upset while feeding him. But why did things turn out this way? It’s because indulging the child from a young age leads to such outcomes. Those who are enlightened try to find the reasons behind things, while those who are confused are afraid of the consequences. Therefore, for a child to have good interpersonal relationships, they must be proactive in helping others; the key lies in whether they are diligent in their daily tasks and whether they have the habit of doing household chores. 　　Finally, it has a great impact on a child’s willpower. Only by doing more things can they develop a sense of responsibility and gain experience in being responsible. When you let them do tasks, they’ll start to think about various aspects and figure out how to accomplish them well. Just like when I assign a task to my students; there might be several other classmates who need to cooperate with him. Naturally, he’ll figure out a way to do it. When Uncle Lu was a child, his mother would sometimes ask him to help fill the water tank of the aunt living next door. Was it their own family’s water tank? No, it was the aunt’s next door. Would you ask your child to help the aunt next door with her chores? In the past, people valued close relationships with their neighbors, as it is said that nearby neighbors are better than distant relatives. I remember that in the rural areas decades ago, when a family had a good harvest, all the other neighbors would come together to help them with the work. In those times, the social atmosphere was one of great mutual assistance and harmony among people. So, what about now? I heard that nowadays, even when people from one’s own family work in the countryside—brothers, cousins—they still have to be paid. Their wages are calculated hour by hour. As a result, there’s no longer any affection or loyalty between people; there are only interests and self-interest. If we adults behave in such a way now, then the next generation will be solely driven by greed. If everyone in the next generation is motivated only by profit, then who will suffer the most? It will be the parents who will suffer the most. Human plans cannot compare to divine will; we must still follow the teachings of the sages, nurturing kindness in children and always being willing to help others with joy. 　　So at that time, Uncle Lu’s mother told him to go do it. It was already after four o’clock, and there were two trips needed to get there and back, as it took an hour or so to carry the buckets – more than an hour, in fact, because he had to go to the riverbank to fetch them. Two trips back and forth meant more than two hours in total. As a result, he wouldn’t return until after eight o’clock, by which time the food had already cooled down. How can you allow your child to do such a thing? Are you willing to let them do it? In Uncle Lu’s time, people were very respectful toward their parents; they believed in the principle that \"one should obey their parents’ commands and not be lazy.\" Once something was ordered, one had to carry it out without being lazy. That’s why he took on the task of filling the water containers until they were full before eating – one must be able to bend in order to stand straight. Through this process of doing things, a child’s willpower and problem-solving skills can be developed. When carrying such a heavy load, he has to think that he needs to get across step by step in order to accomplish this task. So Uncle Lu said that over the decades he had taken on so much responsibility and pressure in the business world – how was he able to cope with it? He said that whenever he faced a lot of stress, an image would come to mind: what was he doing? He was carrying water. You can see that such trials of willpower had a profound impact on his mindset. So whenever he felt he couldn’t go on any longer, he would think about stepping forward and making another effort; by not retreating, he was able to achieve success in his career. Therefore, having children do more work helps to develop their ability to tolerate setbacks and their willpower. 　　After we explained this to the parent in that way, the parent said, \"Teacher Cai, your approach to education is very different.\" Perhaps her child has had many teachers, but none of them ever cared enough to mention that the child should do chores. So, after hearing this, she told her child to do chores the very next day. Her daughter ran over and said, \"Teacher, it’s all your fault. My mom wants me to do housework today, and I refuse to do it, so she punishes me.\" I say you deserve it; you need to do what’s right and be obedient. Therefore, if the mother can accept this and cooperate with the teacher, the child’s behavior will change more quickly.