Xiaoming, get out! rotate

Thread Content

In the evening, Xiao Ming and the boss went to a dark warehouse in the factory complex to check it out. Boss: Xiaoming, why aren’t the lights on? Xiao Ming: Shh... be quiet. We’re on a secret night inspection. Boss: Get out... Boss: I find that the electrician isn’t breaking any rules anymore. What method did you use? Xiao Ming: I told him that the boss has his eye on his wife and is waiting for something bad to happen to him. Boss: Get out... Boss: Xiaoming, why do you always chat with the young female workers in the workshop? Xiaoming: That’s not chatting; I’m providing safety education. Boss: So, why don’t you educate those male workers? Xiao Ming: Male workers can’t be married to and brought home as wives... Boss: Get out... Boss: Have all the new electricians been trained? Xiao Ming: No. Boss: Why? Xiaoming: I don’t understand electricity either; how can I get trained? You hire a pilot, and I’m supposed to teach him how to fly? Hire a chef, and I’m supposed to teach him how to cook? Hire a nanny, and I’m still supposed to teach her how to take care of the kids? Hire a prostitute; I’ll even teach her how to engage in prostitution... Boss: Get as far away as you can... Boss: I heard that higher-ups are coming to check on safety conditions, so get ready quickly. Xiao Ming: Don’t worry, it’s already ready. Boss: What have you prepared? Xiao Ming: The whole factory is closed for three days. This is a request for approval; please sign! Boss: Get out... Boss: Someone from the fire department is going to give us a training session on fire safety; go and pick them up. Xiaoming: Okay, but can I go later? Boss: Why? Xiao Ming: I need to clean up the fire exit; otherwise, cars won’t be able to get in… Boss: Get out! Boss: What are your thoughts on the new Safety Law? Xiaoming: The fines are way too harsh. You said that if you were fined 20 million all at once, could you afford to pay it? Boss: Get out... Boss: What is the key to doing a good job in safety? Xiaoming: Increase investment in safety. Boss: Uh... there's some truth to that. Share the specific ideas. Xiaoming: Raise the salary of such an excellent safety officer like me. Boss: Get out... Boss: The factory is conducting a safety inspection this time – are there any innovative approaches to it? Xiaoming: Yes, by bringing in external expertise. Boss: Oh? Sounds good! Explain in detail. Xiaoming: Call on everyone in the factory to use the 12350 reporting hotline once, so that the work safety supervision agency can investigate on our behalf. Boss: Get out... Xiaoming: Boss, the workers have been acting badly lately; they keep deliberately damaging the safety helmets. Saying that the hat color isn’t good—but isn’t the red safety helmet quite nice? Boss: You idiot! The safety helmet you bought is clearly green. Get out and smash my hat too! Xiaoming silently rolled himself out. Boss: Why is the Safety Supervision Bureau imposing another fine? Xiao Ming: Because Xiao Gang’s electrician’s license is fake. Boss: Xiao Gang isn’t an electrician anyway, so where would he get an electrician’s license? Xiaoming: Electrician Old Wang is on leave. I had Xiao Gang pretend to be an electrician to pass the inspection. I borrowed Xiao Qiang’s electrician’s toolkit from the factory next door for Xiao Gang to use. Damn it, who would have thought that Xiao Qiang’s electrician’s license was fake… Boss: @#￥%&*￥#%#@… Get out of here! Boss: Xiao Ming, we need to replace the safety slogans in the factory; they’re too outdated. Xiaoming: Mm. I’ve thought of one. The boss has no kindness; he won’t provide compensation in case of an work-related injury. Boss: Are you here to ** or what?! Get out... Boss: Xiao Ming, you really enforce the rules impartially – even punishing me for smoking a cigarette! But why is it 50 for others and 100 for me? Xiao Ming: Leaders are supposed to have dual responsibilities for their positions! Boss: Get out... Boss: Xiao Ming, I heard you took the Certified Safety Engineer exam? Xiaoming: Hmm, is it to get a raise? Boss: The factory doesn’t have such a rule. Xiao Ming: Ah, I knew it was useless to spend money on a fake ID... Boss: Get out! Boss: I heard that no one dares to smoke in the workshop these days; how did you manage that? Xiao Ming: I used a cigarette butt to burn the nose of that wolf dog in our factory, and then I threw it into the workshop. This guy dives at anyone he sees smoking; two people were taken for vaccinations and still haven’t returned yet! Boss: Get out with that dog... Boss: I heard no one goes to pee behind the warehouse these days? Xiao Ming: Hmm! I secretly placed some calcium carbide in the places where those people often urinate; it wouldn’t kill them, but it would scare them to death. Boss: Get out... Boss: The newly built warehouse is not far enough from the employee dormitories; how can it pass the evaluation? Xiao Ming: The distance from wall to wall is indeed not enough. But from the base of the warehouse walls to the roof of the dormitory is enough; there are even several meters left over! I’m talented, right! Boss: Get out... Boss: Where’s the evaluation report for our hazardous materials warehouse? Xiao Ming: The company has taken back the evaluation. Boss: Why? Xiaoming: Would you give your own evidence of guilt to someone else? ! ! Boss: Get out... Boss: Xiaoming, what’s the most dangerous item in our hazardous materials warehouse? Xiao Ming: Lao Wang is the most dangerous. Boss: Why? Xiao Ming: Old Wang goes to the warehouse every day to take a nap. He rests his head on kerosene, with caustic soda under his feet; his left hand holds alcohol, while his right hand rests on methanol. He’s snoring away there... Boss: Get out... And by the way, activate the emergency plan and get Old Wang out of there! The boss came to the hazardous materials warehouse for an inspection. Boss: Xiaoming, why is this warehouse in such a messy state? I’m going to deduct your bonus! Xiao Ming: Just a moment, I need to smoke a cigarette to calm down... Boss: Get out... Boss: I heard that some hazardous chemicals can’t be extinguished with water? Xiao Ming: Well, I’ve heard about it too. Boss: You’re the safety officer; shouldn’t you possess this kind of professional knowledge? How, did you also hear about it? Xiaoming: Don’t worry; anyway, there’s no water in our fire hydrants either… Boss: Get out! Boss: I’m always worried about the hazardous chemicals in the factory; I can’t sleep at all. Xiao Ming: Me too. Boss: Is there no good solution? Xiaoming: Taking some sleeping pills every day helps me sleep quite well. Boss: Get out... Xiao Ming: Boss, why is there so much garbled text on your computer? Boss: That’s the chemical molecular formula... Xiaoming quietly left on his own... Boss: Xiaoming, why haven’t you been checking the hazardous materials warehouse lately? Xiao Ming: I don’t dare to go! Boss: Why? Xiao Ming: A few days ago, supervisors from higher-ups came to inspect. They said that managing the warehouse this way would inevitably lead to problems... But I’m still young! Boss: Get out... Boss: Xiaoming, how much was spent on safety this year in total? Xiaoming: Five cents. Boss: How much? Xiaoming: Divide responsibilities, tasks, targets, measures, and implementation – a total of five aspects. Boss: @#@%#@￥￥@ Boss: How much money was spent this year exactly? Xiaoming: Two jiao. Boss: What now? Xiao Ming: It eliminates management blind spots and institutional gaps. Boss: ￥%￥……&*￥#@# Boss: No matter how you try to trick your way around it, you won’t be able to make any money anyway. Xiao Ming: Earned three yuan. Boss: What? Xiao Ming: Family reunification, smooth production, and harmonious enterprise operations. Boss: #@￥#%@￥￥ Boss: Stop talking nonsense; for safety reasons, I’m taking out real money! Xiaoming: That’s true indeed. That is a heart of gold and a love of silver! Boss: @#@￥%#& Boss: I’m talking about money, money, money—MONEY! (insulting you) MONEY (scolding you)! Xiao Ming: It’s useless to scold me! Boss: ? ? ? ? Xiao Ming: I still have to spend it next year! Boss: #@#￥@￥%@ Boss: We need to cut back on expenses related to safety next year; let’s reduce the budget by 50% compared to this year! Xiaoming: Then the number of accidents will increase by 50% compared to this year. Boss: Zero accidents this year; should it be 50% higher on that zero-base or still zero? Idiot! Xiaoming: I have another dozen accidents that were concealed from you; I’m reporting them to you now! Boss: @#@#￥@%%…… Boss: Does one have to spend money just to be safe? Xiao Ming: Not necessarily! Boss: Exactly! Tell me! Xiao Ming: Close the door to ensure safety forever. Boss: @! ￥@￥……% Boss: Since you don’t agree to cut back on spending on security, your bonus will be affected! Xiao Ming: Finally, they resorted to underhanded tactics. Okay, I give up. Boss: What do you plan to do? Xiao Ming: I asked the Taoist priest who sells goods at the entrance to read my fortune. Gi, just stay here and collect the prize money ； If it’s too dangerous, I’ll just quit my job. Boss: ! #@￥! ￥%@ Boss: May I ask you a few questions? Xiaoming: It seems to be eight. Boss: Get out, go away for every question... haha, don’t match them! Boss: Xiaoming, why aren’t you on duty during the holiday? Xiao Ming: Lao Wang is sick, and I promised to go to the hospital to take care of him. Boss: Get out. You are already the 20th person to go and take care of Old Wang! Boss: Xiaoming, you can take the shift now! Xiao Ming: What about Lao Wang? Boss: I’ve brought Lao Wang to the office; you can take care of him while still working on your duties. Xiaoming: I really want to get out of here... Xiaoming: Lao Wang called; he said he’s recovered. Boss: Then you can go on duty with peace of mind. Xiao Ming: Since Old Wang has been brought here, why not have him work the shift? Boss: Get out. Boss: Xiaoming, do you know why I insist on having you on duty? Xiao Ming: I don’t know. Boss: I’m worried that the two security guards on duty might cause problems by drinking alcohol during their vacation. You’re in charge of security; with you around, I’m at ease. Xiaoming: Then I don’t need to be on duty at all. I had Lao Wang knock those two security guards out yesterday. They definitely won’t think about drinking again for three days. Boss: Get out. I said there was no guard on duty last night! Boss: Come back. Isn’t Old Wang sick? Why are you still drinking? Xiaoming: Drinking with one person or two people – how is it possible not to get sick? Boss: Then why was it reported as a work-related injury? Xiao Ming: Getting drunk at work is definitely considered an occupational injury! Boss: Get out! And throw Old Wang out too. Boss: Xiaoming, since you really don’t want to do the shift, forget it! Xiao Ming: Long live the boss! Knowing you’re so understanding, I don’t need to make up so many excuses! Boss: However, the town’s safety supervision department has just issued a notice requiring safety officers in various enterprises to take time off during the holidays, so as to learn from the major explosion and conduct thorough inspections for potential hazards. There’s no need to be on duty, but you have to work overtime! Xiao Ming: I’d better just get the hell out of here!